England v India - live! | Rob Smyth and Alan Gardner
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WICKET! Tendulkar 12 lbw Anderson (67th over: India 165-5) JIMMY YOU BEAUTY! My, this could be a passage that defines the match. Two balls after Andrew Strauss had dropped Tendulkar in the slips Anderson wiped his brow and came back with an inswinger that pinned the little big guy on the crease. This time Billy Bowden is happy to raise his finger - it was actually a very similar delivery to the one from Broad which led to all the DRS-related cursing. Who needs a crowbar when you've got Jimmy ANderson and his swingers?!
66th over: India 165-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 12, Raina 20) A run for Tendulkar elicits the biggest cheer of the session. He's hunkered down into defensive mode and England are going to need a crowbar to pry him out. "Surely Inzamam Ul Haq qualifies for Dude status?" says Matthew Swann. "Portly, very good, and astonishingly lethargic, as this exchange from the film Yasmin demonstrates: 'Why does Inzamam only score in boundaries? Because he's too bloody lazy to run between the wickets.'"
65th over: India 164-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 20) Anderson returns and his first ball is a ripsnorter that leave Raina with the smell of hot leather in his nostrils. Jimmy then sees a delivery practically shave the paint off the stumps! Raina played a defensive shot on the back foot which forced the ball down towards the wicket - it bounced just enough in front of the sticks to get back up and over them! "Can we quit with the focus on India's objection to certain aspects of DRS in this series? T! est cric ket managed to survive quite well until a few years ago without it at all. Just enjoy the cricket. If the umpire makes a mistake, complain about the umpire, like we used to. That was part of the fun too." Robert Speed thinks we can put the genie back in the lamp - which, I'm afraid, we can't.
64th over: India 164-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 20) An excellent over from Swann, another maiden, flighting the ball devilishly up towards Tendulkar's redoubt. There's an inside edge on to the pads and a mistimed sweep from Sachin, done by the lack of pace on the delivery, to go with plenty of oohs and aahs. It's now 34 balls since Tendulkar scored a run ... Here's Geoff Saunders, who thinks Michael Holding commentates with a White Russian by his side: "Completely agree. I saw him at a Lords Taverners game at Bury St Edmunds running in off a short run up with Willie Carson on his shoulders doing the actual bowling. It was priceless. The commentator, Rory Bremner as Blofeld, said 'Holding coming in from the slightly tatty houses end.'"
63rd over: India 164-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 20) Broad goes back over the wicket to Raina and darts one across the left-hander. That was actually a terrific leave from the batsman, shouldering arms as the ball whistled a few inches past his timbres - 'No need to play at that,' he says. The next delivery he can't leave alone an the edge flies low towards the slip cordon on the bounce. I'm sure I ordered a wicket about half an hour ago - it must be on its way ... "I've been trying to work out what the difference is between the Broad who floats the ball down the wicket (most of the summer) and the Broad who looks a world-class quick (the last five days)," writes Gary Naylor. "Length helps of course, but some of it must be balance on the crease that leads to the rhythm that every bowler needs and some of it may in the timing of the snap of the wrist at the point of delivery. It's strange though, because Harmison alternated ! between floaty and firey too, but I don't think other countries have this problem." I would venture that Broad is just refinding that rhythm after a winter disrupted by injury. He's looking pretty heavenly, if I may say, once again.
62nd over: India 162-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 18) Tendulkar blocks out an over from Swann as Strauss returns to England's man with the magic spinning finger. An impudent email from William Southworth: "According to Sky yesterday, Tendulkar is all set to give his approval to Hawkeye. Can we ask India's 12th man to find out if that is still the case at the drinks break?"
61st over: India 162-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 18) This is an interesting move - Broad is coming around the wicket to Raina. A good idea, trying to change the angle to the left-hander; a touch of reverse swing wouldn't go amiss here, you know. An edge from Raina does fly through the gully region for four, though that won't bother England too much. Jennifer Ellum, meanwhile, has a cunning plan, which is also funny (though none of us actually condone such thinking, of course): "How about: we let this Tendulkar chap get his 100th 100 today and in return India let us win this one... Everyone's a winner. After all, no chance of being busted by the NOTW."
60th over: India 156-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 12) Like a school bully, Tremlett is giving Tendulkar a working over in the corridor. The Little Master is in watchful mode and he has to be, getting a inside edge on to a ball that came back into him, thumping into the pads via the bat. He then laces a back-foot drive straight to the man at point. "Sorry Big Al (may I call you Big Al?), but if it was only hitting the bails, surely the third umpire wouldn't have overturned the not out verdict?" To clarify, I don't mean clipping them, Eamonn Maloney, I mean detonating the wicket exactly where they sit. Though I could just as well have said clattering into the top of middle stump .! .. Lucki ly I can go back and rewrite all of this later.
59th over: India 155-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 12) The question is, would England fans begrudge Tendulkar his achievement in the wake of that decision? The answer, I suspect, is of course they would. There is another guy out there, it's worth mentioning, and Raina is looking a little more comfortable at the crease, despite the rib-ticklers being sent his way. He leans into a crunching cover drive for four but then steps away next ball during Broad's run-up, just before delivery, because again some clown in the stands is moving around behind the bowler's arm. "I was confused by the alien reference but the error is mine - I thought you meant Eileen Drewery of Glen Hoddle fame not Ellen Ripley. That said it could have been an interesting casting. Perhaps Mr Scott missed a trick there." Richard Shean is the man confusing faith healers with face huggers (or killers thereof).
58th over: India 149-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 6) Prepare your pub chat on "ball-tracking technology" because this is going to be one of the topics of the summer. Imagine [tries reverse double jinx] Tendulkar going on to get his 100th hundred in international cricket, in the 2,000th Test, to save the game for India, having been given a let-off on 11 thanks to a flimsy objection from the tourists to the use of technology in this series. Among those fast-bowling dudes in my inbox, including Wasim and Waqar, Sideshow Bob Willis and Merv Hughes, here's an indisputable shout from Rob Howard: "Michael Holding - A dude if ever there was one."
57th over: India 147-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 5) There's a small delay while Tendulkar gets the sightscreen adjusted exactly to his liking ... and then there's a huge appeal for lbw off Broad! This time Bowden shakes his head, and there's a question about height ... the ball pitched on a good length and was homing in on middle stump, h! itting T endulkar just around the knee roll. He wasn't far forward - and Hawk Eye shows it would have smacked right into the bails, bang on! A huge let-off for India (needless to say they've also been saved by the lack of DRS) - and an omen for Tendulkar? At the end of the over Broad signalled a question to the balcony about whether it was out and on receiving the answer he hides his face with his hat. Oh woe! And I'd only been praising Billy half an hour ago ...
56th over: India 146-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 11, Raina 4) Tendulkar pushes a couple into the leg side off Tremlett, who is on at the Pavilion end in place of Swann. Looks like the India pair, both quite short chaps, are in for a spell of chin music. Prior does well to take a delivery down leg that flicked the pads but it's a quiet over all told. The atmosphere is a little post-prandial, as people digest their scotch eggs and pickled onions. Speaking of lunch ... "How did the cake go down? Shortly after Smyth printed the cake promising e-mail I sent him one threatening that if he didn't print it I would send him an envelope of unspeakable things that I had trimmed off various bits of my body. Naturally he didn't print that (or any of my other e-mails), and so you will shortly be receiving a batch of toe jam to lovingly smother on a slice of your tasty cake." I think we've both got enough toe jam to last us, thanks, Stuart Wilson. Though as Smyth's official taster, that bullet would be coming right at me.
55th over: India 144-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 9, Raina 4) And it's Stuart Broad replacing Tremlett from the Nursey end. Who ever told Broad that he should think of himself as a nightclub doorman, eh? He's bowled a beautiful length so far in this Test - though he's dropped his length back a touch to Suresh Raina, for whom he has a leg slip and leg gully. He drifts one past the batsman, as Raina attempted to leave outside off, and then fires one into the ribs. Raina gets on top of it well, though. The final b! all of t he over is a yorker, which is smart but not quite smart enough this time. Maiden over. Arjoon Ashokkumaar makes a good point: "Unfortunately for us, we need two Ellen Ripleys, though Raina might do a good impression weaving, ducking and finally edging heroically to slips. We live to fight another day."
54th over: India 144-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 9, Raina 4) Swann starts to Tendulkar, who sweeps fine, if a little aerially, for a couple. "Would India take a Sachin hundred in a losing cause," wonders Nasser, a twinkle in his eye, bringing a devilish chuckle from Bumble. "Is there any hope left for an Indian fan?" wonders Anand. "I think Raina is the key and how long he survives (especially the short ball). I have a sneaky feeling that England will be compensated for the 2007 draw this time around. To make matters worse, I have a two hour long meeting and would have to rely on the WiFi on my phone to keep tracking the score."
Dudes and cricketing dreams: "I would love to see a dressing gown that could fit a whole supermarket inside it (re over 47)," says John Swan.
"I'm trying to work out a Test winning side in the modern era made up entirely of dudes," muses William Vincent. "I've managed Slater, Gower, Colin Milburn (if a cross between your favourite jolly uncle and a Leicester tight-head prop with a stubbed toe can be a dude, he was), Clive Lloyd, the great Adam Gilchrist and surely the dude of all dudes, albeit one with an over-zealous texting thumb, Shane 'one off the wrist' Warne. I'm struggling for a second opener, a No5 and some quicks, though. Can anybody think of ANY dudely quicks? Maybe Steyn? Apart from him, I'm stumped, as it were." What about Courtney and Curtley? Stone cold dudes in my book.
"Dreams & Cricket reminds me of..." elipses Luciano Howard "... a dream I had 4 or 5 years ago now where Sri Lanka were playing India in a Test Match. It was when India's top 5/6 was immense - Sehwag, Laxman, Tendulkar, Dr! avid etc . all at the peak of their game. SL's side was pretty nifty too. Can't remember many details but Sri Lanka scored 600+ in the first innings and India's reply was around 938 for 6 when I awoke.
England stalked India relentlessly in the first session, in which 62 runs were scored for the loss of three big wickets. There were chances that weren't taken, as well as one or two close shaves - and how good were the two lbw decisions from Billy Bowden (Gambhir not out to Broad) and Asad Rauf (Gambhir out to Swann), by the way? Forget technology replacing umpires, these guys are machines - and I fancy England to gobble up the wickets they need sooner rather than later. They're like the Alien, stalking the crew of the Nostromo ... they could burst out of a ventalation shaft to nab another batsman at any minute. The question is, can Tendulkar be India's Ellen Ripley?
"If you have been giggety giggety gooing then I was right about that Alice B Toklas cake," says Lord Selve, with a sage nod of the head. I'm not afraid to admit that's one OBO reference (like most, to be honest) that's like a Red Arrow in the sky above my bonce ...
Cricket as directed by Christopher Nolan? Ask Andrew Jolly: "10pm here in Brisbane, and its another one of those nights where I should really be in bed before midnight but I'll probably be lying in my bed all night, head slumped on keyboard, waking up every time Swann screams an appeal, only to doze off until the next one and finally be woken up by the Radio 5 live recorded message going over and over again after its all done - leaving me to check the score on cricinfo to unscramble what was real and what was dream. TMS meets Inception if you will."
Afternoon, ladles and jellyspoons. Excited? I've been giggity giggity gooing like nobody's business all morning.
So, with high stakes, we need a high tempo: this is going to be the soundtrack for the session. Turn it up to 11.
LUNCH
53rd over: India 142-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 7, Raina 4) Tremlett is going to bowl the last over before lunch to Tendulkar. He has admitted he sometimes has problems sighting the ball at this ground, but he gets off strike with a single from the first ball. Raina survives the rest of the over to conclude a fabulous session. England bowled with dead-eyed purpose, and they are probably one wicket ahead of par. They need six more to go 1-0 up in the series. Alan Gardner will be with you after lunch.
52nd over: India 141-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 6, Raina 4) Swann has a slip, silly point and short leg for Tendulkar, who waves a single to the cover sweeper. There's much talk about whether England really need a cover sweeper, which is understandable. One more over until lunch. "With the advent of the World Test Championship to be hosted in England in 2013, there is every likelihood that India will qualify as one of the top four nations and that one of the games will be at Lord's," says John Dalby. "So the Little Master only needs to hang about an! other tw o years to come back and get his name up alongside Ed Giddins, Jacob Oram and, er, Rob Key." Ah, good point.
51st over: India 140-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 5, Raina 4) England's over rate has been really poor, with just 24 overs in this session. The evening session could be of Melbourne 1998 proportions. "David Ivon Gower, surely the original English Dude," says Adrian Lobb. "If he wants to take a wild flick at a ball outside leg stump just before lunch, heck, he just does it. Dude."
50th over: India 139-4 (target: 458; Tendulkar 4, Raina 4) I told you England needed to keep Swann on. And I reckon England are now one wicket ahead of par they would have been happy to have India three down at lunch and six down at tea. Raina gets off a pair in considerable style, driving his second ball from Swann sweetly down the ground for four, all along the floor.
WICKET! India 135-4 (Gambhir LBW b Swann 22) India have been stuffed by their own DRS intransigence! Or have they? Gambhir is given out LBW despite inside-edging a slider from Swann, and he walks off in a huge funk. It seems like a cock up from Asad Rauf but replays show that it just hit the pad first and then the bat. That is yet another immense piece of umpiring. He took a few seconds to think about it, and he got the decision spot on. Sod Pietersen, Prior, Dravid and Broad: Asad Rauf and Billy Bowden should share the Man of the Match award.
49th over: India 135-3 (target: 458; Gambhir 22, Tendulkar 4) So now it's time for Mr Sachin Tendulkar. He couldn't, could he? Of course he bloody could. The ovation he receives, for what will surely be his final Test innings at Lord's, is extraordinary. He is beaten on the inside by his first delivery, which jags back a touch from outside off stump. He gets off the mark three balls later with a crisp whip through midwicket that prompts an ear-splitting din from the crowd. "Before the Test I said on one of th! e many b logs re: Sachin that I couldnt remember the last time I wanted an opponent to succeed so much," says Steve Dickens. "Well, stuff that I want him to run out Gambhir and Dhoni before getting out in single figures."
WICKET! India 131-3 (Laxman c Bell b Anderson 56) Jimmy Anderson strikes with his first ball! Laxman flick-pulls a loosener straight to midwicket, where Bell leaps to take an awkward two-handed catch with nonchalant ease. Laxman has thrown it away; he receives a send off from Anderson and walks off with the anguished confusion of a man who can't find his Milli Vanilli CDs.
48th over: India 131-2 (target: 458; Laxman 565, Gambhir 22) Gambhir in particular is playing Swann extremely well. Mike Selvey reckons it might start to reverse swing quite soon, and says Alastair Cook has been working furiously on the ball. England might do well to go back to seam from both ends for the last twenty minutes before lunch, then let Swann settle into a second spell until the second new ball is available after 80 overs. "Doesn't Sir Viv out-dude them all," says Alasdair MacDonald, "even now?" Oh, of course. He's the biggest dude in the history of mankind. Just look at this.
47th over: India 127-2 (target: 458; Laxman 54, Gambhir 20) Broad is bowling with considerable force. When he's in this mood, it's hard to fathom why he can be so innocuous at times. It's not just as simple as saying he should bowl a fuller length although that certainly helps, and Laxman just manages to drag his down to keep out a full, straight delivery in that over. The next ball pops off a leading edge into the vacant short extra cover region.
47th over: India 124-2 (target: 458; Laxman 53, Gambhir 18) We have now reached the point at which Mr Sachin Tendul! kar is allowed to bat. England wouldn't mind getting him in before lunch, but they shouldn't panic even if India are two down at lunch. There are still 78 overs left today. I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted already. "In his own, shambolic way, Hoggy was England's last dude," says George Wright. "Don't believe me? Try to imagine him with a huge unkempt beard, visiting a supermarket in his dressing gown. Easy isn't it?"
46th over: India 124-2 (target: 458; Laxman 53, Gambhir 18) Gambhir has started using his feet to Swann, who will relish that challenge. Watching Swann bowl to a batsman who is going for him is one of Test cricket's finer sights. "Luke Dealtry should forget the hot dog eating and go for Barry racing," says Richard Simpson. "On Saturday I took part in the Barry Barry Road Race. It runs on Barry Road in East Dulwich, the race starts in The Plough and finishes at the other end of the street in The Clockhouse. Brave participants were required to down a shot and a pint, run the mile, then down another pint and shot. It was a magnificent challenge. I felt I had let myself down slightly by being overtaken by a 5ft4 avocado, who it turned out and already run nine miles that morning. But I knew I'd have beaten Samit Patel & Mike Gatting, just."
45th over: India 121-2 (target: 458; Laxman 52, Gambhir 16) Laxman digs out an attempted yorker from Broad, and then flicks him to fine leg for four to bring up a lovely half-century, from 104 balls and with eight fours. "Jacques Kallis and Dale Steyn would both be dudes, were they not surrounded by a bunch of chokers," says Gary Naylor. "Aleem Dar is, of course, King Dude."
44th over: India 117-2 (target: 458; Laxman 48, Gambhir 16) Gambhir looks comfortable against Swann, and cuts a short ball past backward point for four. Now then, Snickometer which can't be used by the third umpire shows Laxman may well have edged that delivery from Broad. There is c! ertainly a noise at some point and, while it could theoretically be bat on pad, it is at precisely the moment that the ball passes the bat. So it looks like Laxman may have been out after all. "Isn't KP a dude?" says Anand. KP is many things, and we love him to bits, but he is definitely not a dude.
43rd over: India 111-2 (target: 458; Laxman 48, Gambhir 10) Laxman is beaten by an awesome delivery from Broad. Or did he edge it? England went up but it was a delayed appeal, and Billy Bowden said not out. Strauss has decided to go for the review. It was a wonderful piece of bowling, a very full leg cutter, but I don't think Laxman touched this. England's appeal just didn't seem right, and Hotspot shows no contact at all. "It's not even a cold spot," says David Gower. Was it worth a speculative review in a situation like this? Maybe so. Anyway, Laxman is not out and England now have one review remaining. India still have two. With the ball ball of the over, Laxman is beaten by another magnificent delivery, again full of length and this time swinging past both the outside edge and off stump. A superb maiden. "I see you're seeking sponsorship for MAG for your friend," says Simon Rea. "I encourage all to give as much as possible. I work for MAG and am currently based in Laos. Most bombed country in the world, thanks to America. I'm currently sat in a bar drinking the award winning local brew, Beer Lao, listening to TMS on the world service and following your coverage. Hopefully my constant groans and shouts are paying back the American tourists around me just a little bit for all their great nation has done to this beautiful country. Sok dee der Angkit, as they say around here (good luck England)."
42nd over: India 111-2 (target: 458; Laxman 48, Gambhir 10) Laxman pulls Swann into the rump of Cook at short leg, and then Gambhir skids back! in his crease to defend the slider. The next ball is far too short and cut easily through the covers for four. "That list of tons and fivefors also hints at the fact Botham early in his career was in a different class to Botham later in his career," says Edward Banister. Absolutely. When he became captain in 1980, he had played 25 Tests and average 40 with the bat and 18 with the ball. Even after 50 Tests he averaged 36 and 23. But in his last 25 Tests he averaged 23 and 42.
41st over: India 106-2 (Laxman 47, Gambhir 6) Gambhir is beaten by Broad. He has taken loads of the strike since coming in, almost all of it in fact. "To be devil's advocate for a moment, the pitch mat is not definitive either, dependent on a frame showing the moment of impact with the ground," says Lord Selvey. "So that shot for the Gambhir decision may have been between frames (as we often see on runouts). So it was either a tremendous decision or a rubbish one, we have no way of telling." Ah, I didn't know that. But the fact that was any doubt at all was a surprise; it looked plumb live.
40th over: India 105-2 (Laxman 46, Gambhir 6) A quiet over from Swann to Gambhir. After a thrilling first hour, it's time for valium drinks. "Alice B Toklas references, instant references to the 27 Club.... the cricketing dude-standard is clearly Lord Selve," says Andrew Howard. "On that basis, I don't really think little Eoin really qualifies and the England squad is a bit dude-lite. Chris Tremlett has potential Terminator body and a seemingly genuine game-face." Tremlett is as laid back as the Dude, but in a slightly different way. Samit Patel?
39th over: India 104-2 (Laxman 45, Gambhir 6) Stuart Broad comes into the attack. Gambhir, pushing outside off stump, edges on the bounce to Swann at second slip. With Gambhir out of his crease for a split second, Strauss shies at the stumps and gives away four overthrows. Broad thinks about turning the air blue, processes that Strauss was t! he culpr it, and says nothing. And then Gambhir survives a huge shout for LBW. What was wrong with that? It grubbed under the bat to hit Gambhir on the pad in front on off and middle. The only issue was where it pitched and replays showed it pitched this far outside leg. That is an astonishingly good decision from Billy Bowden. You wouldn't believe how good a decision that is. It looked absolutely plumb. Bloody hell, the standard of umpiring in world cricket is incredible at the moment. "Gambhir is a tough little so-and-so," says Richard O'Hagan, author of this splendid trip down memory lane. "In many respects he's like an Indian Brian Close in that he fields crazily close at short leg and often lets the ball hit him when he bats. It must have been a bad blow for him to even leave the field yesterday, and even if the elbow bothers him today he won't show it at all. Shame that England don't have anyone who can bowl a 'heavy' ball and really test him out, though." He's their most Australian cricketer in many ways. Which is why he always picks fights with Australians, I suppose.
38th over: India 100-2 (Laxman 45, Gambhir 2) Graeme Swann is going to replace Chris Tremlett, who bowled a pretty demanding first spell. He has a short leg, silly point and slip for Gambhir, who is dropped by Prior! It wasn't even a quarter chance, as he bottom edged a cut straight off the gloves of Prior. His reaction time would have been about 0.000000004 seconds. "That list of fivefers & centuries in the same game shows, as if we needed to be shown, what a phenom, er, amazing cricketer Lord Botham was," says William Vincent. "Interesting also that Flintoff isn't on the list. Top bloke and all that, and a fine player, but as much in Botham's league as I am in Monica Belluci's. Sadly." I wouldn't go that far but, yeah, there's no doubt that Beefy was superior. By the way, I thin! k that l ist is correct (a couple of you said it wasn't), it's the total number of wickets in the match (hence Botham's 13), but has a filter of a hundred and a five-for in the same Test.
37th over: India 98-2 (Laxman 44, Gambhir 1) England have to make Gambhir play here. He will cautious about the impact of ball on bat and therefore elbow, not to mention the fact it's early in his innings. Anderson fails to do so for most of that over. "Rob, which Test match team currently has the most dudes, would you say?" asks Mark Lloyd. "As well as being No 1 in the world, India would also seem to have a very respectable dude count. Is there any way of incorating dude-ness into the ranking system, so this can be clarified once and for all?" Goodness knows. Who are the dudes of cricket? Chris Gayle is obviously The Big Lebowski of cricket look at his magnificent Twitter page, a compelling tale of 12-hour kips, afternoon naps, dancing and cheese but who else? I don't know if Afridi qualifies as a dude or simply the second coming. Do England have any dudes? Eoin Morgan maybe.
36th over: India 97-2 (Laxman 43, Gambhir 1) The cake, says Alan Gardner, is "pretty good". He has now walked off doing this. Tremlett has Gambhir in his sights. You might some early elbow music, but in fact it's all fairly orthodox stuff, angled across Gambhir, who has to play only one of the five balls he faces in that over. "Half an hour before the start of play going on a walk to find the end of the queue seemed like a good idea," says Andy Bull. "Forty minutes later I finally got back to my seat in time to see Jimmy Anderson start the second over of the day. I should be grateful it only took me ten minutes to walk each way from the start to the finish, which was a way away down the Wellington Road and around the corner up into Cavend! ish Aven ue. The man at the very front told me it had taken them two hours to get that far. 'Where did you join the queue?' I asked. 'Somewhere in Hampstead,' he replied. Lord's certainly seemed to be caught short by the demand. At 9.30 they were turning people away from the tube station. But by 10.30 the stewards were saying that everyone who joins the line before 11.30 should be able to get in eventually. Inside the ground, irritatingly, there are still a lot of empty seats. There has been, as Selve mentioned, a lot of trouble with touts buying up multiple tickets, which means that there is now a limit of one ticket per person in place, that has slowed things down a lot. Test cricket is, of course, dying. It took me huge amounts of will power, by the way, not to begin this email with the cliche 'they came in their thousands...'"
35th over: India 96-2 (Laxman 42, Gambhir 1) Blimey, we didn't expect this: the new batsman is... Dame Judi Dench Gautam Gambhir. The stones on this one! His left elbow is heavily strapped after that horrible blow he took yesterday, but he looks in no pain when the ball hits the bat. He gets off the mark with a single to leg off Anderson, and then leaves a ball that misses off stump by a whisker. It was either a brilliant leave or a seriously lucky one. Actually it was an excellent leave because he did so on length rather than line. "One of my favorite Laxman stories is after he shared a (yet another) 300+ run partnership with Dravid, at Adelaide - just over 2 years after THAT day in Kolkata," begins R Ramesh. "He was asked what was going through his mind when he walked in to bat, with India chasing 550+ and 4 down for not much, by an Aussie commentator, waxing lyrical for a change. Laxman squinted slightly, thought about it and dead-batted 'nothing much really'! More of that today, please." Laxman is brilliant, a rare example of a sportsman for whom you can legitimately use the word 'dude'.
WICKET! India 94-2 (Dravid c Prior b Anderson 36) ! Gone! Ji mmy Anderson has struck, and it's the key wicket of Rahul Dravid. That is a huge breakthrough so early in the day. Dravid fished needlessly outside off stump at a shortish delivery, with the ball taking a thin edge on its way through to Prior. Dravid is livid and swishes his bat in disgust. That was a poor stroke, especially from a champion like Dravid.
34th over: India 94-1 (Dravid 36, Laxman 41) Laxman leaves Tremlett on length, with the ball just bouncing over the stumps. That was a cracking leave in fact. "The cake," says Lord Selvey. "Not a recipe from the Alice B Toklas cookbook is it? Could be fun if it is." Now that's an OBO I'd pay to read, not to mention write.
33rd over: India 91-1 (Dravid 36, Laxman 41) This is brilliant: we have our first ever OBO cake. Katie Cannon promised to send one in the 28th over on Thursday, and here it is. In a Morrisons bag. I will share it with Alan Gardner, my OBO colleague today (Bull is off sick with a bruised fingernail doing real journalism at the ground) and report back. A cake! A real cake! Anyway, the cricket. Yes. Another near miss for England, with Laxman flick-pulling Anderson in the air but between the men at midwicket and mid on. In fairness, I think he had the shot under control, just about. One more from Anderson and then it might be time for Broad.
32nd over: India 88-1 (Dravid 35, Laxman 38) Tremlett beats Dravid with an excellent lifter. Dravid kisses his teeth, walks to short leg and presses the reset button. As the chaps on Sky said this morning, nobody bats time like Dravid. And now Dravid is dropped! I don't believe it, Ian Bell has dropped him at short leg. It was a really sharp chance, but Bell doesn't drop them. He never drops them. Dravid inside-edged a defensive stroke onto the pads, from where it deflected high above Bell's head. He thrust up a right hand, but the ball didn't stick. Tremlett b! eats Dra vid next ball as well. This has been a brilliant over. "Over coffee this morning have been musing on Broad's bad luck this Test," says Tom Crane. "He could have had a five-for but for the dropped catches, and was then denied a ton but the declaration yesterday. Had he achieved both of these he'd have been on the Honours Board with both bat and ball in the same Test. Anyone know if the last time this was achieved? By and England player?" Here's the full list. You'll notice a certain English superhero did it a few times.
31st over: India 87-1 (Dravid 35, Laxman 38) There has been no sign of swing, and Bumble reckons the only swing England might get is reverse. As a result they are bowling a fairly orthodox length, with just the occasional full delivery as a surprise weapon. Anderson's line is a maybe a touch too wide in that over, which allows Laxman to shoulder arms at most of the deliveries. A maiden. "Are you short of emails because your entire traditional readership queued up at 2am to get in and now have no need of you?" says Stephen Russell. "It's like empty-nest syndrome, even more so because you know they'll bankrupt themselves buying chips and beer and come crawling back to you for the next game."
30th over: India 87-1 (Dravid 35, Laxman 38) Dravid chases a full, wide delivery from Tremlett and slices it on the bounce to Pietersen in the gully. This has been a good start from England. If they could pick up one of these early on, especially Dravid, they will really fancy their chances. "The required rate at the start of play was 3.85 runs per over," says Richard Clarke. "Comeonindia!"
29th over: India 87-1 (Dravid 35, Laxman 38) Here's Jimmy Anderson, who has had a surprisingly poor match. He has just two slips and a gul! ly and England will regret that now, because Laxman has just fenced one in the air through the vacant fourth-slip area for four. That's well worth the first 'BAH!' of the day. It won't be the last.
28th over: India 81-1 (Dravid 34, Laxman 33) This is sport at its most life-affirming, and they haven't even bowled a bloody ball yet! To wild cheers, Chris Tremlett runs in to bowl the first ball of the day to Laxman... and Harmisons it down the leg side. The atmosphere is sensational. "Every ball is being cheered" says an incredulous Bumble. Laxman gets the first run of the day with a work to leg. A pretty good first over from Tremlett, that loosener aside.
"It is bedlam here," says Mike Selvey. And that's just the press box, arf. "The queues are beyond massive and for an hour or more people have been turned away from joining. Queues started at around two o'clock this morning and stretched at one time for more than a mile. Yet here we are ten minutes before play and the ground is barely half full. Lord's is simply not geared up to cash sales. There have been problems with touts too who have paid people to queue for the max four tickets per head allowed. MCC rapidly reduced that to one per person to try and counter that. But it is already obvious as a different type of crowd who have got a beautiful morning and a tremendous day in prospect."
Sachin Tendulkar can bat from around 12.25pm. I know this because, er, it says so on Twitter. That's how journalism works, right? Gautam Gambhir is also ready to bat, although probably only in an emergency.
Don't bother going to Lord's. It is already sold out. Great stuff, and a triumph for the MCC, who priced tickets at 20 and allowed under-16s in free. (Prompting an amusing aside from Ebeneezer Hussain on Sky: "I'll go in as an under-16, bring a load of kids and get them to pay...")
Ev! en my iP od is excited about today's play. On shuffle this morning, with 7,877 songs to choose from, it went for this. All together now: "I fell into a burning ring of fire..."
So, how many of your colleagues have pulled a sicky today? I contemplated it, but I knew that, knowing my luck, the camera would cut to me having a public display of affection with a bottle of gin at precisely the moment everyone I know at the Guardian lifted their head to look at the TV screen my innate professionalism and simple yet profound love for you, the reader, inevitably won out. I wonder what the most absurd excuse for having today off has been.
If hot dogs be the food of love... "Rob, I finally accepted I'm never going to be selected for England last week and in full Samit Patel style entered my first ever competitive eating competition," says Luke Dealtry. "I went to support a friend but there was a no-show, so I was roped into the 'rookie' section. And then I found myself sitting alone at a table save for 19 full-size hot-dogs, 30 minutes to do the business and a large crowd of rubberneckers (and they talk about the pressure on Sachin). Pleased to report I finished in second place on 11 not out in the time allotted, so I did alright. The first five were easy but things got progressively harder with numbers 8-11 being literally some of the toughest eating I have ever done. By the end, I was on a near-constant retch, was succumbing to a 180-pounder headache and had meat-sweats so bad you could've fried bacon on me. But I finished. Best of all, my friend vomited on 16 so was disqualified, gifting me bragging rights. I'm never, ever, ever doing that again."
Other bits and bobs
1. A postgraduate student at City University London is conducting some research into how people read and interact with live coverage on guardian.co.uk and would like to recruit some readers to interview over ! the tele phone about their experiences. She's already had the Naylor Experience. If you are interested in taking part you can fill in this form.
2. Thanks so much to those who sponsored my friend Adam, who is doing a series of runs for SANDS. My colleague Steph Fincham is also bike-riding around Sri Lanka in support of MAG. For the rest of the series, starting on Friday, we'll have an auction for a pretty cool piece of memorabilia that Lord Selvey has provided.
Preamble Morning. In this age of entitlement, all most folk are interested in is instant gratification, which is a shame because playing the long game can be seriously rewarding. A recent study showed that 99.94 per cent of sexual relationships eventuate from one party grinding the other into submission until they are too tired to say anything except "I do"; and it's fair to say that, if England find a way to take nine Indian wickets today, it will be a darn sight more fulfilling than if they were to blow them away before lunch.
This is a going to be a long, long day; a day for that sub-genre of cricket tragics, the cricket masochists. It'll be a day of nip and tuck, ebb and flow, booze and fags (if you're so inclined). We're all going through the wringer. And it's going to be brilliant. If you're not so excited that you can't sit still, you need some urgent shakabuku.
For England, things are less urgent. Ninety-eight overs is a bloody long time. England need to chip away, taking every chance and a good percentage of the half-chances. They need to stay calm, even if India are one down at lunch or three down at tea. And they reALLY NEED TO GET EITHER DRAVID OR BLOODY LAXMAN OUT EARLY BECAUSE MY BLOOD PRESSURE CAN'T TAKE THE PROSPECT OF INDIA CHASING OVER 450 TO WIN.
Sorry, where was I? Ah yes, staying calm. For both sides it's going to be a unique test of talent! , techni que, nerve, patience, stamina, self-belief and ability to ignore the itchy cleft that invariably afflicts you on such a sweltering day. The sort of test only this remarkable and superior sporting format can provide.
The precedent for today is neon-lit: the last day at Old Trafford in 2005. Then, as now, thousands were locked out of the ground. Then, England needed ten wickets and Australia 399 runs; today England need nine wickets and India 378 runs. That Test went straight into the pantheon. By 7pm, it might need to shift up and make some room for Lord's 2011.
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