Sri Lanka v New Zealand live!
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12th over: New Zealand 50-1 (Guptill 28, Ryder 9) Ryder gets his first boundary, cutting Mendis to the fence. A helping of singles make that a much needed good over for New Zealand, eight from it. "I wish," says Kristian Petterson, that I'd had this on Saturday..." If only everything in the world was as cute as wide-eyed cats.
11th over: New Zealand 42-1 (Guptill 24, Ryder 4) Sri Lanka take their bowling Powerplay straight away, and Ryder edges Mathews through the vacant slip area for a single. Murali is off the field, stretching his hamstring. Four from the over, which makes it 13 from the last five. "Should Lee Rodwell work anywhere near Fleet Street," says Andrew Benzeval, "he will find T-bone steak Roysters in the little convenience shop opposite the Natwest. 60 pence well spent. I've not seen any red squirrels in there though, living, chocolate or otherwise..." Even if he lives in Timbuktu, it's worth making the trip over for, right.
10th over: New Zealand 38-1 (Guptill 21, Ryder 3) Here comes the magical mystery spinner Ajantha Mendis, whose figures in this tournament are stunning: he has an economy rate of just 3.01, the best in the tournament of anyone who has bowled 10 overs or more. Just one from his first over. New Zealand have to find a way to manoeuvre him for at least 40. "Isn't the World Cup wonderfully enjoyable now that England are out?" says Anna Richardson. "My finger nails can regrow and I don't have to hide behind the imaginary sofa or throw things at my telly/com! puter sc reen any more. I'm trying to resist adopting a secondary team, as that will be its death knell oh, what the heck: go the Black Caps!"
9th over: New Zealand 37-1 (Guptill 20, Ryder 3) Three commentators! I can't get used to this. Now we have Nasser Hussain, David Lloyd and Simon Doull. Maybe we should have three OBO commentators. Two proper writers and, for a bit of variety, a token joke figure. Insert your own joke here. Ryder gets away with one there, clunking Mathews just over the man at short extra cover. Sri Lanka are starting to put the squeeze on, with just runs from the last three overs. "I see that the review of the winter is to take place in a few weeks," says Luke Richardson. "Will Smyth's schedule be up for discussion? Whereas England may only privately admit to the exhausting nature of their winter, Rob is gutsy enough to open up and declare his use (in whatever amounts Dean Conway sees fit if England take this on) Liver Compromiser, Mood Elevation Facilitator and the like. Of course, there may be more people at an Andrew Strauss press conference than there are here so the benefit of sharing the problem is, as I think we've often seen, limited. Certainly there's no evidence to suggest that Rob's method of coping works." I'm funny how? Like a clown, etc, etc.
8th over: New Zealand 34-1 (Guptill 19, Ryder 1) "Matt Turland's remarks about McCullum remind me of the first time I watched televised cricket with my girlfriend (now wife)," says Edmund King. "After a few thoughtful minutes of silence, she opined, 'you know, this game would be more interesting if they just randomly released some lions onto the field. Right about now'. Moral of story: be wary about marrying classics graduates."
WICKET! New Zealand 32-1 (B McCullum b Herath 13) The dangerous Brendon McCullum has gone. He tried to slog-sweep the first delivery of Herath's over, and the ball went straight on with the arm to hit off stump as McCullum played over the top of! it. Tha t was a pretty ugly dismissal, and it continues McCullum's horrible tournament: he has made 16, 6, 14, 4 and 13 against the Test-playing nations.
7th over: New Zealand 32-0 (Guptill 18, B McCullum 13) Three singles from Mathews' over. Tony Greig, one of the 19 commentators talking simultaneously, reckons New Zealand need 280 or more. "Ah come now, Rob, don't be so hard on yourself," says Paddy McQueen. "You've plenty more depths to plunge at the helm of the OBO. Keep on sinking, old chap."
6th over: New Zealand 29-0 (Guptill 17, B McCullum 11) Having defended a maiden in Herath's previous over, McCullum slog-sweeps the first ball of this one for six! That was a fine stroke. There's a huge LBW appeal against McCullum later in the over from a ball that pitches on off stump and straightens appreciably. I reckon that was hitting off stump, but Aleem Dar said not out and Sri Lanka accepted that decision. They were right to eschew the review, because replays showed it was hitting the outside of off stump and therefore the original decision would have stood. "Any thoughts on the wisdom of replacing a spinner with a seamer on a slow/moribund track?" says Martin Sinclair. "Can't say I know much about either of them, but I'm sure they're both brave little soldiers and keen as mustard to over perform and be patronised by likes of me." Well Luke Woodcock look a fraction out of his depth on Friday, and Sri Lanka are even better players of spin. I assume that was the thinking. I don't know much about McKay, mind.
5th over: New Zealand 20-0 (Guptill 15, B McCullum 5) Apparently our auto-refresh isn't working again. Sorry about this. Just get intimate with F5 for the latest news. It's not that long since you were together on a daily basis. The old magic will still be there. Guptill has started authoritatively and drives Mathews' second ball nicely through mid on for four. This is a decent start for New Zealand although, as against South Africa, there a! re too m any dot balls: 23 out of 30 so far. You do the math. "Rob, it's 4am here in the States, and I'm still conscious for this game," apologises David Naylor. "Had no intention of being so. Any advice for when I have to actually be awake and attentive in four hours? I figured I'd ask you since 1) you love e-mails so much and 2) you're a savvy veteran of this time of night. Also, I'll take NZ to win this one. I mean, they keep getting to these things, they've gotta win one sooner or later. Right? Right?" Just bathe your face in coffee when you wake up. That usually works regardless of how little sleep you have.
4th over: New Zealand 16-0 (Guptill 11, B McCullum 5) A fine over from Herath to McCullum is a maiden. The fourth ball was a beauty that turned enough to take the leading edge, and that was a little ominous for New Zealand. "Rob, you're not going to resign are you?" chirps Nigel Smith. "It does seem to be the trend at the moment. Don't listen to those people who want you to talk about cricket." Well, I think I've taken the OBO as far as I can, and it's time for somebody else to see if they can lower the bar even further.
3rd over: New Zealand 16-0 (Guptill 11, B McCullum 5) A bowling change already, with Mathews replacing Malinga. The latter bowls best with the old ball, so it makes sense to save him. Guptill flicks the first ball to short fine leg, where the hamstrung Murali makes a total meal of it and the ball goes for four. This is a big risk with Murali today. He told Tony Greig that he's only 65 per cent fit. Surely they should have taken the gamble that they would win this game and tried to get him as fit as possible for the final? Guptill flicks two more through the peculiarly vacant midwicket area, and this is a good start for New Zealand. "Very impressed to read this morning that Lord Selvey himself apparently saved 50-over cricket last year," says Lee Rodwell. "Now you know exa! ctly who to blame during the BMOs. Any chance he could do something similar for the NHS\British economy\red squirrel\T-Bone Steak Roysters?" How about Peep Show? Maybe a guest appearance from Selve could bring Peep Show back to its glory days.
2nd over: New Zealand 10-0 (Guptill 5, B McCullum 5) Sri Lanka open the bowling with spin, as they did on Saturday, but this time it's Rangana Herath rather than Tillakaratne Dilshan. That's because New Zealand have two right handers, whereas England had the left-handed Strauss. The second ball is a miserable half tracker that McCullum, who won't die wondering like England did, pulls meatily for four. "B McCullum has had a dismal (might be a little harsh but I'm in a foul mood) tournament so far," says Matt Turland, who is in such a foul mood that he even refused to refer to McCullum by his first name. "If New Zealand are going to stand any chance of winning, he needs to do something special at the top of the order. Either that, or accidentally let go of his bat and injure half of the SL team. The second option seems more likely."
1st over: New Zealand 4-0 (Guptill 4, B McCullum 0) Shall we do this thing? Let's do this thing. Lasith Malinga is going to bowl the first over of the innings but hang on, what's this? We now have three commentators. They are copying the Channel 9 system. At the moment it's Tony Greig, Russel Arnold and Ian Botham. Three commentators. Really? It doesn't feel right. Not since the episode of Father Ted when Dougal was running scared of the sheep-killing beast with four arses has there seemed such an odd number of something. Anyway, after four dot balls Guptill gets New Zealand up and running with a confident clip over midwicket for four. "Rob," says Daniel Pfeiffer, "if you actually report the cricket I'm off to cricinfo, I don't even really like cricket but this is a great break from tedium." Fish fingers, Easy A, retro football! tops, b lond nu-mullets, Tony Soprano, Mungo Jerry, Top Trumps, Beef Disco's, quarts of Liver Compromiser. That do you for now?
The first email of the day "Rob, could you please stop with all the comic asides and just give me details of the cricket?" says Alex Netherton. "So far you've given no descriptions of the action."
Some pre-match statgasms, c/o Infostrada
There has never been an all-Asian final before
New Zealand haven't won an ODI in Colombo since 1986
Sri Lanka haven't lost a World Cup game against New Zealand since they got in 1996
No host or co-host has reached the World Cup final since Sri Lanka in 1996
New Zealand have won the toss and will bat first. That's a decent toss to win on a pitch that should get slower and lower as the day progresses (it's the same pitch on which they eviscerated England three days ago). Muttiah Muralitharan is fit, so Sri Lanka are unchanged, while New Zealand bring in the seamer Andy McKay for the left-arm spinner Luke Woodcock.
Sri Lanka Tharanga, Dilshan, Sangakkara (c/wk), Jayawardene, Samaraweera, Silva, Mathews, Malinga, Muralitharan, Mendis, Herath.
New Zealand Guptill, B McCullum (wk), Ryder, Taylor, Styris, Williamson, N McCullum, Oram, Vettori (c), Southee, McKay.
Preamble Pop quiz, hotshot: how many sides have reached more cricket World Cup semi-finals than New Zealand? Answer: none. This is their sixth, which puts them level with Australia and Pakistan (who play their sixth tomorrow, I forget who against). It's a staggering achievement for such a small country. Just as the All Blacks find weird and wonderful ways to underachieve at the rugby World Cup, so it's an immutable law of cricket World Cups that New Zealand will be hopelessly patronised every time they reach the semi-finals overachieve.
Of all their journeys to! the las t four, this is surely the most improbable. Not just because they are the last non-Asian side standing, but also because they had been in such diabolical form before the tournament. They won just two of their last 16 ODIs leading up to the World Cup, including an infamous 4-0 defeat in Bangladesh. Yet, as usual, they pulled out a performance when it really mattered.
Right, that's enough of blowing smoke up their aperture because, as admirable a side as they are, they need a minor miracle to beat Sri Lanka in Colombo today. They have two chances, and slim generally doesn't do Tuesdays.
On the face of it, this is a mismatch. New Zealand have never reached a World Cup final, losing all five of their previous semis. Away from the green-tinged grass of home, they have lost 18 of the last 22 ODIs against Sri Lanka. They were thrashed by Sri Lanka earlier in this tournament and in the semi-final of 2007 - and Sri Lanka didn't have home advantage in either of those games
Sri Lanka are superior to New Zealand in every facet of the game except depth of batting. There is, logically, no way New Zealand can win this. But then, as we say most recently on Friday, logic tends to take a back seat with New Zealand at the World Cup.
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