England v Sri Lanka - live! | Rob Smyth
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Mike Selvey on why there are doubts over captain Cook
29th over of 32: England 194-6 (Bresnan 5, Broad 8) A couple of wides from Jayasuriya, and then Broad clouts a couple over extra cover in a boundaryless over that yields nine. England don't need to overreach here; a run a ball will do, especially against Malinga.
28th over of 32: England 185-6 (Bresnan 4, Broad 2) Randiv beats Bresnan with a beautiful lifter that goes straight on from around the wicket. England are losing their way a touch, with just two from a splendid over. "Mike Selvey may have missed out wicketkeeper Long Arnold from his list," says Ian Burch.
27th over of 32: England 183-6 (Bresnan 3, Broad 1) Broad chips his second ball not far over the man at midwicket. Four from the over, a fine one for Sri Lanka. "Biffy Clyro are actually named after a derivation of Cliffy's Biros (not that you were asking)," says Ed Sutcliffe. "The biros were dreamt up as possible Cliff Richard merchandise by the band. The band admit they were discussing possible Cliff Richard merchandise for fun, as 'there's not much to do in Ayr'."
WICKET! England 179-6 (Bell LBW b Jayasuriya 12) Oh, Ian. He tried to lap Jayasuriya, missed and was pretty adjacent. That was canny bowling from Jayasuriya, who held it back a touch when he saw Bell lining up the shot. England need to be careful that they don't mess up the last few overs as they did on Saturday.
26th over of 32: England 179-5 (Bell 12, Bresnan 0) A misfield at long on gives Bell an extra run. Six overs left, and! England will want at least a run a ball. They still have Broad and Swann to come. Then again, Malinga has two overs remaining.
WICKET! England 175-5 (Morgan c Kandamby b Lakmal 45) Oh dear. What was I saying? Morgan clunks a slower ball from Lakmal straight to long off, right off the bottom of the bat. Still, that was another thrilling innings: 45 from just 35 balls and with six fours.
25th over of 32: England 175-4 (Morgan 45, Bell 9) When Eoin Morgan bats, the world is a better place. He is a joy to watch, capable of playing like Michael Bevan or Adam Gilchrist. In that over it was more Bevan, with consecutive twos worked off Jayasuriya. Bell then drivesone just wide of the man at extra cover. "Now that Guy Hornsby has mentioned David "Syd" Lawrence," says Andy Blarney. it strikes me that if you reverse his name you get ... Larry David. Blimey." That is a great spot. And what about Brent David, who played four Tests against the Swindon lot in 1933?
24th over of 32: England 168-4 (Morgan 39, Bell 8) Another bowling change, with Randiv switching ends. Thriteen from the over, including consecutive boundaries from Morgan. The first was clobbered on the full wide of long off and the second chopped past deep point. He is playing deliciously and has raced to 39 from 30 balls. "Well if you are going down that line," says Lord Selvey, "there is Halfyard Derek and Inchmore John, Hardstaff Joe to go with Slack Wilf, Dick Artie, Willey Peter, Juvenile Selve..."
23rd over of 32: England 155-4 (Morgan 30, Bell 7) Malinga has been brought back ahead of schedule, and he almost strikes when Bell edges a slower ball on the bounce to Sangakkara. Morgan then survives a big shout for caught behind when he dabbles at a widish yorker. He dig edge it, but it went into the ground and then up into the gloves of Kumar Sangakkara. Good umpiring from Richard Illingworth, and three from a brilliant over. The 'brilliant' is almost tautologous with ! Malinga these days. "I have very fond memories of Sir IVA Richards, having been lucky enough to see him in the flesh back in the late 80s," says Guy Hornsby. "My twin brother Dave (now in Australia, and rubbing in the Ashes on a daily basis) was actually at his last Test, at the Oval in 1991, when we were bright-eyed junior members, and he witnessed his last 50 in Test cricket (c Morris b Lawrence. Aaaah Syd Lawrence). As he departed the field to an ovation, and walked up the pavilion steps, who's that patting him on the shoulder? My brother. Much as I have that link that only twins can have, I've never fully forgiven him for that. I think I was working in McDonalds that day. I have no words."
22nd over of 32: England 152-4 (Morgan 28, Bell 6) Kulasekera is on in place of Lakmal. Three singles from a quiet over. "Lebowski (the smaller one) would I'm certain have enjoyed cricket," says Ian Copestake, "allowing as it does the chance to stand at deep midwicket with a reefer on the go. But as his flat was pummelled by a cricket bat-wielding German anarchist I doubt he would go near the sport again."
21st over of 32: England 149-4 (Morgan 26, Bell 5) Bell back cuts his second ball gracefully for four. Eoin Morgan and Ian Bell. Batting. Together. Both in outstanding form. What crazy, twisted, brilliant dream is this?
WICKET! England 142-4 (Kieswetter c Lakmal b Randiv 61) The end of a very encouraging innings from Craig Kieswetter. He tried to slog sweep Randiv, bowling from around the wicket, and sliced it high in the air to backward point. He played really well though: 13 from 23 balls when things were tricky this morning, and 48 from 33 this evening. There are still doubts as to whether he will make it at international level, but what's surely not in doubt is that he has got something about him.
20th over of 32: England 142-3 (Kieswetter 58, Morgan 22) Spin! is bein g punished by Morgan, so Dilshan goes back to Lakmal. Which, coincidentally, is what we believe Amy Winehouse was trying to sing in Belgrade the other week. Morgan falls over a yorker, bringing a big shout for LBW, but it was going well down leg. Still, four from the over, which is excellent for Sri Lanka. "Good point re. French Bruce," says Andy Blarney. "I can visualise him spending a lot of time hanging out down the Winchester with Slack Wilf and Old Chris." Along with Abel Bobby, Barber Bob and Gay Leslie.
19th over of 32: England 138-3 (Kieswetter 58, Morgan 22) Majestic cricket from Morgan, who reverse sweeps Mendis over point for four and pulls the next delivery for four with marvellous placement. He has raced to 22 from 11 balls. At first he was a wonderful novelty in this England side, but now he is playing with the cold authority of a senior player while maintaining that thrilling unorthodoxy. He's quite a package. In other news, India are now 44-4 aND LOOK AT RAVI RAMPAUL'S FIGURES.
18th over of 32: England 128-3 (Kieswetter 58, Morgan 13) Jayasuriya is proving unusually expensive, with his third over costing 11. Kieswetter plays the latest of cuts for four and then Morgan edges to third man for three. "Let's have Old Chris in, he's a good sort," says Mike Selvey. "Any number of Benjamins: Benjamin Winston, Benjamin Kenny and Benjamin Joey. And Ambrose Curtly."
17th over of 32: England 117-3 (Kieswetter 52, Morgan 8) Morgan almost goes third ball. It was another filthy long hop from Mendis that Morgan hoicked towards Mathews at deep midwicket. He was a bit slow to react, and in the end the ball went under him for four as he dived forward in an attempt to take the catch. Morgan punishes him two balls later with a thrilling, rubber-wristed cover drive for four. Eight and ! a wicket from an eventful first over. "Dear Award-winning Rob," begins Ben Akrigg. "Believe it or not, I really am Ben Akrigg and I claim my prize (assuming no impostor has beaten me to it while I was at work), which actually looks rather good and not at all rancid. But I already feel like a winner for getting an OBO mention without even having to go to the bother of emailing you first. Or something."
WICKET! England 109-3 (Pietersen c Dilshan b J Mendis 26) The legspinner Jeevan Mendis strikes with his first ball. It was the googly but it was also a long hop, and Pietersen hammered a pull straight to midwicket. He walks off shaking his head. No wonder, because he looked in great touch.
16th over of 32: England 109-2 (Kieswetter 52, Pietersen 26) Five singles from Jayasuriya's second over.
15th over of 32: England 104-2 (Kieswetter 50, Pietersen 23) It'll be spin from both ends, with the offspinner Suraj Randiv coming into the attack. Pietersen tucks into him immediately, spanking the second ball down the ground for four. Then Kieswetter brings up his fifty in the grand manner, charging Randiv and driving a mighty six down the ground. Brilliant stuff. He scored 13 from 23 balls before the break, and since then he has 37 from 22. Fifteen from the over.
14th over of 32: England 89-2 (Kieswetter 43, Pietersen 15) A special treat for Kevin Pietersen; Sanath Jayasuriya is coming on. He is such a streetwise one-day bowler, with 322 wickets to his name in ODIs, so England will be very pleased with ten from his first over: four singles, a two, and a dragged sweep round the corner for four by Kieswetter. Since the restart he has scored 30 from 20 balls with controlled aggression. "Russell Jack sounds like a reliable sort," says Andy Blarney, "but I don't think I'd put a lot of faith in French Bruce behind the stumps." French Bruce sounds like an hilarious (sic) character in Minder, Arthur's continental nemesis.
13th over of 32: England 79-2 (Kieswetter 35, Pietersen 13) The last over of the Powerplay, from Malinga, is chockfull of variations of line, length and pace. England took four singles from the first foiur balls and then Pietersen clouts a slower ball over mid on for a one-bounce four. "The problem with wanting Darren Sammy to lead the West Indies back to where they belong is that if they do get there, Darren Sammy won't be worth a place in the side," says Gary Naylor. "Re: Chris gayle, sure he's an awkward type, but the role of management in any field is to get the most from one's resources, not ignore those who don't fit the template."
12th over of 32: England 71-2 (Kieswetter 33, Pietersen 7) Pietersen survives the closest of run-out referrals. He played Red Bull Routlette to Dilshan at mid off, who threw the stumps down superbly and wheeled away like a goalscorer, one hand in the air. It was monstrously tight, tighter than any Spandex that has ever been worn, even in Studio 54. In fact it was one of those incidents where you suspect Pietersen probably was out, but the replays were not conclusive enough for the third umpire Rob Bailey to give him out with a clear conscience. After a long delay, at least 90 seconds, Pietersen got the good news. Five from a boundaryless over.
11th over of 32: England 66-2 (Kieswetter 30, Pietersen 5) This is interesting. England have taken their batting Powerplay (just three overs in this truncated match), so Sri Lanka turn to Lasith Malinga. That's a disappointment for Jimmy Anderson, who was probably looking forward to his usual batting Powerplay. Anyway, Malinga's first over goes for just four, with Pietersen doing well to dig out a brutal yorker off the fourth ball.
Superb bowling. "How can it be fair to the side batting first who are seven overs into their match to suddenly change the goalposts & reduce the game to 32 overs?" asks Gaz Durrant. "The side batting second get seven addi! tional o vers in 'slog-mode' whilst the side batting first were playing their normal game and watching the ball sail past off-stump for five overs playing themselves in. England would probably not have won anyway with Cook & Trott in a one-day team but they have absolutely no chance now. Can they refuse to reduce the game to 32 overs or do the side batting second get additional penalties or restrictions?" They adjust the target accordingly, so Sri Lanka's target will be greater than England's total.
10th over of 32: England 62-2 (Kieswetter 27, Pietersen 4) Kieswetter showed admirable patience earlier, but it's a different game now and he flicks Kulasekera's first ball behind square on the leg side for four. Pietersen gets off the mark by flicking four more past short fine leg. England did pretty well in that mini bowling Powerplay, with 27 runs from three overs. "Any idea if there's any chance of getting tickets on the door at the Oval after work?" says Lauren Dowey. "When I used to work by Trent Bridge, it was always a tenner to get in after five but I'm not sure the Oval is so accommodating..." No idea I'm afraid. I assume so, unless it's a sell out. Anyone know for sure?
9th over of 32: England 53-2 (Kieswetter 22, Pietersen 0) "If it walks like a Test bowler, talks like a Test bowler, and has an average under 30... Well, it is a Test bowler," says Scott W. "It's great to hear good things going Sammy's way, I think he has the hardest gig in cricket right now, and I so desperately want to see the Windies back up where they belong. For that to happen any time soon, Sammy and Gibson must be vindicated and the younger players must all be on board and paying no mind to the imprecations of that trendy, dashing, Fonzie-esque character Chris Gayle. The Potsie-esque Chanderpaul will come round if he sees success."
WICKET! England 53-2 (Trott LBW b Lakmal 23) A brilliant comeback from Lakmal. He was smashed for 11 from four ba! lls inc luding a storming six over long on from Kieswetter and responsed with two consecutive yorkers, the second of which pinned Trott on the boot in front of middle stump. Trott actually didn't know whether the DRS was an option and asked Kieswetter; it isn't, but even if it had been he would have gone. That was plumb.
8th over of 32: England 42-1 (Kieswetter 15, Trott 19) The players are back on the field, and have Sri Lanka have taken the batting Powerplay. The first over, bowled by Kulasekera, costs seven, with Trott working a boundary to the left of the man at short fine leg. "Keepers," says Andrew Perks. "But Knott Alan."
4.50pm "What about that great wicket-keeper/batsman," says Will Barter, "Stewart Alex." Or indeed Stewart Alec, said the smart alec. But yeah, you can do it with loads of England's finest keepers: Russell Jack, Andrew Keith, Taylor Bob, Ames Les.
4.46pm Some good news. Play will resume at 5pm, and it'll be 32 overs per side.
4.24pm The umpires are having a chat with the groundstaff. Pulitzer!
4.21pm "Darren Sammy," says Mike Selvey. "I imagine Lord Ted would have him down as Sammy Darren. How about a team of Ted reversals?" Actually, didn't Malcolm Devon almost make his Test debut alongside Thomas Greg? I think he was in the squad. Who else. Lloyd David? Pushpakumara Ravindra?
4.13pm Oh, the cut-off time for a restart is around 6.40pm. Alastair Cook might be England's Twenty20 captain for one night only.
4.12pm The covers are still on, although the super soppers are drying the outfield. Still no news of a planned inspection, never mind a restart. I'm off to get a late lunch. In the rain. In flip-flops.
4.07pm Crikey, look at the scoreline in Barbados: India are 13 for two after 14 overs. Dar! ren Samm y has taken another wicket, bringing his Test average to 26.75. Lies, damn lies and he is a better Test bowler than Jeff Thomson, Richie Benaud and Gus Fraser.
3.51pm "No Mardy Fish at Glasto," says Eamonn Maloney, "but I can testify to a fine performance from Biffy Clyro at Glasto, who surely took their name from some portly lower-order hitter for Glamorgan in the early 1970s."
3.50pm Apparently the sun is out well done to those who wore flip-flops today but there is no suggestion yet that play is imminent.
3.41pm "I've just seen that Nadal is fit to play Mardy Fish," says Mike Selvey. "Were Mardy Fish not performing on the Pyramid Stage at Glasto over the weekend?" I thought it was The Angelo Mathews?
3.40pm It seems Vaughan actually is on Countdown. Great stuff. No matter what combination of nine letters come out, he probably just sees 'VAUGHAN B STEYN'.
3.22pm What's going on here? "If you're bored," says James Walsh, "you could always liveblog Michael Vaughan's appearance on Countdown." He's not, surely.
3pm It's raining again. Bah. Enjoy some more Viv porn, all 189 runs of it.
2.53pm Apologies. Being, y'know, pretty thick, I failed to realise that Selve had attached a picture to his email about Viv being cuddly. Feel free to insert your own that's-Gary-Naylor-on-the-left joke here.
2.50pm It's getting quite dark again. Sky are showing highlights of the India/England tie at the World Cup. That seems a weirdly long time again now.
2.47pm "Having said all that," adds Mike Selvey, "he is quite cuddly really." But is he referring to Gary Naylor or Viv Richards?
2.36pm "Jeffery Lebowski's cricketing was a bit one-dimensional though," says Paul Billington, and you know exactly where this is going, don't you. "He was only a! ny good at bowling. Arf." That might be the most apologetic 'arf' I've ever seen.
2.35pm "Have you any idea, any idea at all, what IVA Richards would have managed as a T20 player today, with modern trampo bats, against some of the bowling I've seen in the IPL," says Mike Selvey. "Frankly it just wouldn't be fair."
If you are a complete masochist and want to get an idea of what it was like to bowl to Viv, read this, Lord Selvey's wonderful Cricinfo profile of Viv.
You knew when he was coming. The outgoing batsman would already have disappeared into the pavilion, and the expectation of what was to follow filled the air. Viv kept you waiting... time to ponder. Then he appeared, sauntering, swaggering, arms windmilling slowly. He would take guard, and then, head tilted back slightly and cudding his gum, he would walk a few paces down the pitch to tap it while looking the bowler in the eye. It was calculated menace and magnificent theatre from arguably the most devastating batsman of all time.
How to bowl to him? Get him to the other end, perhaps. Hold your nerve, do not take what might follow as personal. Occasionally he was vulnerable early on if his desire to dominate overwhelmed him. But he had no weakness until his eyesight infinitesimally but inevitably started to let him down and those eye shots became harder.
His strengths were on the front foot. So far forward could he get that he was able to plant that left foot outside the line of off stump, at once eliminating lbw and creating his own leg stump line from where he would flick bowlers relentlessly through midwicket. Or he might send a similar ball skimming through extra cover. Straighten the ball down the line of the stumps and the bowler stood a chance, but he rarely missed and they ran a terrible risk.
His power was awesome, he hooked devastatingly and never wore a helmet, rocking back from his front-foot base to ! take the ball from his eyeline in front of square. Occasionally, for no apparent reason, he would block an over in immaculate fashion, seemingly in defensive position before the ball had left the bowler's hand. Then, refreshed, off he would go again.
2.27pm "The reason Steven Finn has a better strike rate than Malcolm Marshall is that he's a better bowler," says Andrew Jobson. "It's easy to take wickets consistently when you can swing and seam the ball at 90+mph, but it's very difficult to take wickets bowling short and wide. Ergo, Finn > Marshall."
2.26pm "Could name about a million reasons why it was easier for batsmen in Gilchrist's era than Sir Viv's," says Rory Taylor. "And ask anybody around at the time, if Viv had been remotely bothered by stats he'd have smashed the lot. Not to denigrate Gilchrist, great player and unusually decent bloke for an Aussie, but there's no comparison. And let's be honest, Viv remains the coolest cricketer ever to have walked the earth."
Coolest cricketer? No need to stop there. The coolest sportsman, and maybe the coolest human. It's a choice of three: Viv, Jeffrey Lebowski or that bloke from Street Hawk. Just look at this clip.
2.22pm More from the Guardian's nose-picking correspondent, Robin Hazlehurst. "Your picture of Cook and Saj does seem to show Cook's forefinger homing in on Saj's nose in a very scary way. Could it be that he is about to rip a great sticky lump out of a key bowler's nose to improve his balance during his run-up? Now that is truly great captaincy and self-sacrifice for the team. And slightly disturbing. And this email will look really really good if you later change the picture."
2.20pm It's much brighter now, although it's still raining heavily. I don't think this will last too long; the trouble will be the damage to the outfield.
You can't compare strike rates from different eras, surely? Batting in 1980 was totally different to batting in 2000. You have to do it on a pound-for-pound basis, or better still a qualitative basis. If Gilchrist still comes out on top, fine (though I'd have Viv), but you can't do it on strike rates. After all, Steven Finn has a better Test strike rate than Malcolm Marshall. So does Jermaine Lawson.
2.12pm "Dear Future Pulitzer-Prize Winner," says Martin Sinclair. "Looking at the photo, remember when Saj Mahmood and Liam Plunkett were England regulars? Shows how far England have come, although the results in ODIs are depressingly familiar. They are both decent bowlers but any attack containing those two is not going to frighten a top-class batting line up."
It'd frighten the England batting line-up, knowing how many they'd have to chase. Joking aside because sometimes the laughter has to stop I think we should be a bit more generous to those two. They bowled some snorters, and were part of the joyous CB Series win in 2006-07. It's easy to see why Duncan Fletcher got excited about them, particularly Saj. They just didn't have the control needed at international level.
2.11pm So, which idiots wore flip-flops and shorts to work today? Oh, me.
2.10pm Thunder, lightning, all the trimmings. It's apocalyptic.
RAIN STOPS PLAY A storm is coming, Frank says. It could be a while before we see any more cricket. The sky is incredibly dark. It reminds of that storm on the evening of Friday 24 June 1994, which was so extreme (in Kent anyway) that I genuinel! y though t the world was going to end.
7th over: England 35-1 (Kieswetter 13, Trott 14) A quiet over form Lakmal; just one from it. Both sides know they will be going off any minute now, which is a tricky mental challenge, especially for the batsmen. In a Test you would just protect your wicket, but you can't afford to waste even 12 balls in an ODI. "How dare Naylor try and denigrate IVA Richards," says Phil Rhodes. "The first day I ever went to see test cricket was at Edgbaston in 1984 (I was nine) England vs West Indies day two and I watched IVA and Larry Gomes both hit centuries. It was fantastic introduction. The other abiding memory though is of the abuse Derek Pringle got from the crowd for basically not being Ian Botham. That summer IVA also played perhaps the most remarkable ODI innings ever when he scored 189* out of a total of 272 including a last wicket stand of 106 with Michael Holding who made precisely 12. Naylor has gone too far, far too far." The first time I saw IVA live, since you asked, was his last professional game, and that memorable duel with Duncan Spencer. It makes me sad that Duncan Spencer didn't take 117 Test wickets at 34.14 with a maverick strike rate in the mid-40s.
6th over: England 34-1 (Kieswetter 12, Trott 14) Kieswetter gets his first boundary from his 20th delivery with a very pleasant stroke, a timed push through extra cover off the bowling of Kulasekera. It's very, very dark at the Oval "it's pitch black," says Bumble. "What time is it?!" and we must be due for a break soon. It could be a long one. "I know you don't want to go on a blind date with him, but is the prize a blind date with you?" says Eamonn Maloney. "If so, expect an avalanche of Spartacus-style "I am Ben Akrigg" emails." Arf. A couple of OBOs ago we said we'd draw lots from whoever donated to this and give them a signed copy of this. The response was so overwhelming that I couldn't be bothered to draw lots and picked the first surname alphabetically Ben Akrigg was the only person to donate.
5th over: England 29-1 (Kieswetter 7, Trott 14) Malinga comes off after a couple of overs, which is often the case. His replacement is Suranga Lakmal, who has had a pretty decent tour but starts this spell with a wide. His fourth ball is also a wide. Kieswetter works a couple to long leg and then two more through midwicket. He has played with encouraging discretion thus far. He will learn more from this innings than he would from five or ten played in glorious sunshine. "Now that Cook has 47 overs to further clean his beak, he may be interested to know that there are certain tribes in Africa where the man grows his little finger nail purely for the purposes of digging out hard to reach crows," says Stuart Wilson. "Having said that, it may actually be to drop poison in their enemies drinks, can't remember which. Anyway, more wikipediaesque insight for the OBO." Why does nose-picking have such a bad reputation? It's utterly rancid, of course, but it's hardly alone in that among human traits. I reckon it deserves a bit of sympathy. I might pitch On Second Thoughts: zesty nose-picking to the main site.
4th over: England 22-1 (Kieswetter 2, Trott 14) Kieswetter takes a very tight single into the covers, and I think Trott would have been gone with a direct hit. He survives, however, and works another boundary through midwicket with the minimum of fuss. He has skipped to 14 from 12 balls.
3rd over: England 15-1 (Kieswetter 1, Trott 8) Malinga bowls a front-foot no-ball to Trott. That means a free hit, and Trott stretches to ping it through the covers for four. Two balls later he picks Malinga's slower ball and times it through midwicket ! for anot her boundary. Good stuff from Trott. In other news, if Ben Akrigg is reading, could you please send in an email? It's okay, I don't want to go on a blind date with you. You've won a dubious prize and I need your address.
WICKET! England 6-1 (Cook c Sangakkara b Malinga 5) What a way for Alastair Cook to go, strangled down the leg side. He tried to glance a poor delivery from Malinga down the leg side, but his touch was too fine and it went to the right of Sangakkara, who took an excellent low catch one-handed. That's dumb luck for Cook, and he goes for five from three balls. At least he had a strike rate of 166.66, eh?
2nd over: England 6-0 (Cook 5, Kieswetter 1) It's the unsung Nuwan Kulasekera at the other end. His first ball is a striking off-cutter to Kieswetter; he was able to leave it because it pitched so far outside off stump, but it came back a long way. The fourth ball brings a leading edge that goes on the bounce to mid off. This isn't a great time to bat, never mind pinch hit, and that's a maiden. "King Viv was an extraordinary presence at the crease, but he's now at that distance (twenty years or so) when reputations become sepia-tinted, enhanced by nostalgia," says Gary Naylor. "Incredibly, despite me seeing a lot of Viv live and on telly, when Adam Gilchrist turned up, he seemed to lift intimidation of bowlers a notch higher. In ten years time, we'll wonder how anyone hit a ball so hard, so often as the man Flintoff sorted out in 2005, but nobody else could contain." I kind of agree when you watch Viv's highlights you wonder how he didn't average about 90 but could you not also argue that players become enhanced in the present? I wrote a similar thing about Gilchrist but, now that the dust has settled on him and Viv, I know who I'd least like to bowl to. And it's not the bloke who patented the phrase "Baarrrrrrling Shaaaaaane". There will surely never be another like Viv.
1st over: England 6-0 (Cook 5, Kieswetter 1) Las! ith Mali nga runs in to bowl the first ball of the innings to Alastair Cook... and our Sky feed goes down. Glorious timing. Cook took a single from that first ball, although I've no idea how. Craig Kieswetter gets off the mark later in the over with a quick single to mid off, and then Cook pings a half volley crisply through midwicket for four. A nice start for him. "Pretty exciting about Cook's nose pick there," says Robin Hazlehurst. "I wouldn't have expected him to use a left on right combination, I had him down as much more orthodox than that. And using the thumb rather than the forefinger is effectively switch-hitting, again confounding those who had him down as a little-pinkie prodder. If he captains like that, the series is in the bag."
Play will begin at 1.25pm No sign of the Staines massive thunderstorm, but this won't be an easy time to bat. As David Gower says on Sky, Alastair Cook might end up playing an orthodox innings with the ball nibbling around. Such conditions always evoke this immense century from Mike Atherton in an ODI series decider against the West Indies in 1995. He took 27 balls to get off the mark, with the ball seaming square, but he hammered his last 77 runs from only 64 balls. That's worth about 77 off 50 in today's currency.
1.16pm "Picking his nose," says Paul Billington, "is still better than picking Bopara instead of Bell." Honk!
Greetings-that-will-ensure-your-email-gets-published department
"Good afternoon Mr. Award-Winning Writer," says Lee Johnson. "Not really that bothered about the Shane Warne clip, as this compilation of Viv's many sixes is thunderously more fun... and depressingly, a single Viv shot is infinitely better than my entire batting career and I even opened, and scored fifties, for Wiltshire Under 13s/15s and 17s..."
You can g! o in my never-to-be-written-never-mind-published book on cricket's lost talents. But, yes, there is some incredible Viv porn in that amazing YouTube archive. The utter contempt of most of those sixes especially the first one is hilarious. If I had a DeLorean, the first thing I would do is go back and do everything differently, absolutely everything, no way could I make such a sorry mess of it again and watch Viv bat.
1.10pm The camera cuts to the England balcony, where Alastair Cook is picking his nose. THIS IS A DISGRACE. SACK HIM NOW. THERE ARE KIDS WATCHING. It was a pretty languid, unhurried exploration of his right nostril with his left thumb. He'll surely have to be much more aggressive and proactive if he is to succeed at 50-over level.
1.06pm "Well done for pointing out Strauss's great ODI form," says Steve Dickens. "Can I point out his Test performances for the last year were inconsistent at best and venture that he's given up the wrong format. Why is nobody else suggesting this?"
He is far too good for anyone to consider his Test future yet, surely. If World Cups were every two years rather than four I reckon he might have played on, but with a four-year cycle it made sense for England to start again, again. With Test cricket there is no real end to the cycle, not yet anyway, so there's no need to think about the succession at this stage.
1.02pm I was wrong. It is raining.
If that's not award-winning writing, then I don't know what it is.
1.00pm We should be starting now. We haven't started. I don't know why.
If that's not award-winning writing, then I don't know what is.
But yes, the covers are on, although I don't think it's raining. I assume it's in anticipation of the great-grandmother of all thunderstorms that's com! ing stra ight outta Staines.
Don't-fancy-yours-much department "Don't like your chances of seeing any cricket today," says Matt Healey. "The mother of all thunderstorms is drenching Staines as I speak, and has been doing so for about 20 minutes. Should reach the Oval in the next 30 minutes, I'm guessing." Seriously? Bah! This is my reaction to that news. When I woke up in a pool of sweat this morning, I was looking forward to 300 playing 300 on an Oval belter in temperatures of 30 degrees plus.
Richard Woods sent this email a couple of weeks ago. I didn't get chance to publish it then, as I was drooling over Eoin Morgan, but if you're feeling generous, you know what to do.
"I don't know if this is appropriate, but as part of the charity commitment of the OBO could you give a shout out to this? My school has been supporting this cause, which aims to get a cardiac hospital into Nigeria, and to acknowledge our support, today the man himself came for a visit. He just left, having made 1000 Nigerian children and a large number of Nigerian adults very happy, particularly the females. A great gesture on his part."
If you have even more spare change, feel free to lob it in the direction of my colleague Steph Fincham's bike ride around Sri Lanka in support of the Mines Advisory Group.
Random YouTube clip du jour The spell that changed Shane Warne's life, including that legendary flipper to to Richie Richardson.
Sri Lanka have won the toss and will bowl first. There's a tinge of green, and Sri Lanka have not exactly been uncomfortable chasing against England in the last two limited-overs games. Alastair Cook says he would have bowled as ! well. He looks a little nervous chatting to Michael Holding after the toss, but that's to be expected. Imagine being a full-time captain of your country. I wouldn't be able to remember my own name!
Jade Dernbach makes his ODI debut for England, Tillakaratne Dilshan is fit again, and Sanath Jayasuriya will play his last international until his next comeback.
England Cook (c), Kieswetter (wk), Trott, Pietersen, Morgan, Bell, Bresnan, Broad, Swann, Dernbach, Anderson.
Sri Lanka Dilshan (c), Jayasuriya, M Jayawardene, Sangakkara, Kandamby, Mathews, J Mendis, Kulasekera, Malinga, Randiv, Lakmal.
Preamble Hello. England are going through captains like a naval groupie, and today Alastair Cook will become their third in nine days. It's all part of the plan unlike in 1988, when just about everybody apart from Dr Clive Gibbons captained England and it's certainly a fascinating experiment from the two Andys (and Alastair, and Stuart).
Cook's promotion is striking for two reasons: 1) the one-day captaincy, though ostensibly isolated, has had a domino effect on the Test captaincy in the past or rather a Jenga effect, with Alec Stewart and Nasser Hussain tumbling from the top job as a result; and 2) Cook was not deemed good enough to play 50-over cricket during the World Cup.
He does have what those who deal in bee ess business speak might call 'strike-rate issues': his is 71.38 from 26 ODIs, and realistically he needs to get that up above 80. Yet he's such a resourceful and granite-willed young fella that you would not be at all surprised if he expanded his limited-overs game just as Andrew Strauss did (Strauss retired with a strike-rate of 80.94, and it was over 90 in the last 18 months of his career). Nor would you be surprised if, in the age of 300+ scores, the step up proved fractionally beyond even Cook! .
How's that for off-the-fence analysis?
Cook's main concern today will not be his own batting, but how on earth England are going to beat Sri Lanka. In the last limited-overs game between the sides, on Saturday, Sri Lanka won by nine wickets; in the last 50-over match between the sides, Sri Lanka won by ten wickets; in the last 50-over series between the sides in this country, Sri Lanka annihilated England 5-0. You would not expect a similar scoreline this time, but England will do bloody well to win this series.
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