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18 min "Re Min 11: Pavlyuchenko is that rare breed of top level footballer that doesn't know how to play the game," says Alex Amponsah. "Have you seen a player at that level make so many bad decisions?" Obviously you're not a golfer.
16 min Malouda zips infield from the left and then drags a right-footed shot towards the near post that Gomes gets down to hold. It was pretty similar to Bale's goal against Chelsea at White Hart Lane a year ago, except he slammed his in the corner whereas Malouda's was too close to Gomes.
13 min Drogba smashes a storming free-kick off the bar. He was at least 35 yards out, to the left of centre, and he cut across the ball so that it wobbled violently in the air. Gomes leapt to his left and, I think, got the merest fingertip on the ball before it clattered off the bar. A few seconds later, Gomes plunged to his right to hold a crisp low shot from Essien.
11 min "The lesson of the Madrid-Barcelona debacle was this: foreign coaches are not wanted in the UK because they encourage the latent cheating in foreign players," says Peter Bracken. "That's why Drogba and Torres are primed for theatrics whilst Modric and Pavluchenko (under Redknapp) are not." Yes, I agree, and if we could just do something about those foreigners coming over here and stealing our jobs/women/dignity as well, we might get this country back where it belongs.
10 min Torres's imaginative through pass only just evades the onrushing Lampard. Torres has started brightly, a! nd momen ts later he skins Corluka down the right before sidefooting a low cross that is deflected into the side netting at the near post. The resulting corner is headed well wide by Ivanovic.
9 min Ivanovic's slip allows Pavlyuchenko to run into the box on the left, but he drags a wildly ambitious left-footed shot across goal and wide. He should have tried to find Bale in the middle.
6 min "Any word on the crowd's response to David Baddiel's 'Y-Word' anti-semitism video, which I gather was to be shown before the game today?" asks Ryan Dunne. None at all I'm afraid. They're singing about John Terry at the moment.
5 min Sandro gets a vital defensive touch just as Lampard is about to shoot from the edge of the box. Chelsea have started the stronger, as you'd expect, although they haven't got behind Spurs yet.
4 min David Luiz is a delicious footballer but a very iffy defender, as he shows with a wretched hack at Bale wide on the left. Van der Vaart overhits the free kick and it drifts away for a throw-in.
3 min Nothing has happened yet. John Terry is playing his 500th game for Chelsea today. The first came on 28 October 1998, in a Milk Cup match against Aston Villa.
2 min "I watched Best in Show again last night, a film crammed with comedy delights," says Ian Copestake, "but what struck me was how Rhapsody in White, the Standard Poodle (and previous two-time Best in Show winner) looked like Torres."
1 min Spurs kick off from left to right. For those reading this on the internet, Spurs are in white and Chelsea in blue.
Team news
Chelsea (4-D-2) Cech; Ivanovic, David Luiz, Terry, Cole; Mikel; Essien, Lampard; Malouda; Torres, Drogba.
Subs: Turnbull, Alex, Zhirkov, Ramires, Benayoun, Anelka, Kalou.
Spurs (4-4-1-1) Gomes; Kaboul, Dawson, Gallas, Corluka; Lennon, Sandro, Modric, Bale; Van de! r Vaart; Pavlyuchenko.
Subs: Cudicini, Bassong, Rose, Jenas, Defoe, Pienaar, Crouch.
This is Spurs' winning goal on 11 February 1990, a late clincher from Gary Lineker. Interesting to note the commentator, and also the crowd: 28,130.
Preamble Hello. The weekend of 10-11 February 1990 was one of the more momentous of modern times. Buster Douglas beat Mike Tyson, a West Indian spin bowler Mervin Durand returned figures of 19.4-11-15-7 against England's tourists on his first-class debut, Nelson Mandela was released from prison, a real Rolex oyster watch from the 1950s (with a rare dial) was found to be worth 15,000 on Antiques Roadshow and Spurs won 2-1 at Stamford Bridge.
If we had known then what we know now, that last one might have been the most striking of all, because it was the last time Spurs won a match away to Chelsea. And though Martin Jol/Juande Ramos/Harry Redknapp's mob have beaten Jose Mourinho/Avram Grant/Guus Hiddink/Carlo Ancelotti's lot in each of the last four seasons, they tend to go a big rubbery one as soon as they enter the SW6 postcode.
Their record since 1990 is one that not even a mother could love: P23 W0 D8 L15 F17 A45. This is not an idle or meaningless statgasm, because Spurs must win today if they are to maintain realistic hopes of qualifying for the Champions League next season.
The match could be a cracker, because Chelsea also have no option but to win. They and Spurs are six and four points behind their Mancunian targets respectively. As Eminem put it so succinctly, success is my only mothereffing option, failure's not. Mind you, he did follow that up with, Mom I love you but this trailer's got to go, so maybe he's not best qualified to comment on the battle for honours in the English Premier League after all.
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