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The gossip from today's papers in the Rumour Mill
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All the major deals in the January transfer window
10.38am: Kaspar Nymand interjects: "The Danish media are reporting that Aalborg have a surprise trick up their sleeve as they plan to reveal Celtic flop Morten "Duncan" Rasmussen on loan. He is already on loan (and on the bench) at Mainz in Germany, so I doubt many Celtic fans will even notice." He also points out that ""Vennlig Hilsen" [10.31] means "Kind regards" in Norwegian and Danish". What a lovely name.
10.37am: Dalglish also said on Ashley Young: "we're not going to talk about someone else until he's our player." Which sounds fairly hopeful that he might be.
10.33am: Some pictures of Robbie Keane arriving at West Ham for training. He;s wearing a long shimmery blue scarf and a tweedy mixed-fibre overcoat and he looks like an expensively-styled Hollywood musical depiction of a cheerful Victorian tramp.
10.31am: The rest is all snurk and counter-snurk. For example, Vennlig Hilsen writes: "Maximillian Haas from Bayern Munich to Middlesbrough". And why not?
10.28am: So. What do we know so far?
We know that Paul Konchesky has gone to Forest. That, to date, is pretty much what this is all about.
We know that Fernando Torres has not gone to Chelsea, but that he might do before that day is out. Nobody is actually ruling it out.
And we know Daniel Sturridge is currently coughing for the doctor at Bolton.
10.25am: A plaintive transfer day story from Ibrahim Yusuf: "Sat in portacabins! on a co nstruction site in the middle of nowhere in Dubai hoping, just hoping Torres stays. Its going to be a long day (and night for me as 11pm means 3am over here)." And Sam in Brisbane is feeling bruised and sad but also a little wiser: "Torres to Chelsea feels like the moment when all your childhood fantasies were completely undermined. Santa, The Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy get revealed as frauds and some time later you realise you don't win trophies by being a romantic at sticking with clubs like Athletico and Liverpool. Pity reality has to be so stark and brutal. Now losing a tooth costs me a couple of hundred at the dentist, Christmas brings increasingly diminishing returns and poor Torres will have to pretending to like John Terry and Ashley Cole."
10.23am: Rory Murphy has the goods on Eikrem: "Tell Mark in Peterborough to recheck his facts Eikrem was sold to Molde in Norway (where Ole Gunnar Solskjaer is manager) a few weeks ago."
10.21am: He's sticking to the club statement on Torres. So still up in the air that one. And that's all he's going to say about that. Fair enough Kenny. Audible sighs of disappointment on the Sky Sports News feed.
10.21am: Kenny confirms the Konchesky to Forest and Ayala to Derby stories. He also confirms Suarez has signed.
10.20am: OK, Kenny Dalglish is doing a live TV interview. Stay tuned for updates on his pronouncements.
10.19am: James Harvey writes: "Just had a text from a mate who works at Heathrow. Lisandro Lopez has just been seen in Arrivals at Heathrow T4. Internet reports are suggesting Spurs for 30 million euros." That's good. very good. And some confirmed news : Daniel Sturridge is having a medical at Bolton.
10.18am: Richard Powell, along with others, points out that you can in fact still buy Torres merchandise on the Liverpool website. He also says: "Ayala has gone to Derby on loan."
10.16am: I'm drowning in emails, Tweets, sweatily-tendered rumours and guff on the telly. Time! to wade into your thoughts: Mark in Peterborough mongers: "It's not the most glamorous of deadline day spots but I work in the offices at London Road and it appears that Sir Alex is helping out his little boy again (and might be showing the first signs of giving up on a certain Portuguese). Bebe and the lesser known Magnus Eikrem are here looking to confirm loan deals."
10.10am: Ian Ashbee is leaving Hull City. Oh yes. Real actual news. I'm not sure where he's going yet. Celtic are definitely "interested" in singing Abdoulaye Faye from Stoke Neil Lennon says. And just to update you on the latest Torres whispers: Liverpool. will apparently sell him if they get a 50m cash bid today. You would wouldn't you? That's 2009-form money in 2011.
10.08am: Nikcub via Twitter says Liverpool have now removed all promotional Fernando Torres stuff from the club website. Get them. On another note Loig Thivend writes: "On another note, these Nani + 12 million for Gourcuff rumours just won't go away... " That isn't going to happen really though is it?
10.05am: Harry Redknapp is doing one of those interviews through his car window. The interviewer keeps mentioning players' names, to which he says "yeah... Great player..." or "Like him. Yeah". He denied knowing anything about the Sergio Aguero rumour. He also said injury's Jonathan Woodgate is not going out on loan because they now need him.
10.04am: A Joke! Dave Gill writes: "Liverpool FC have just made a 20 million bid for Andy Murray Kenny Dalglish said he has never witnessed anybody hit the net so many times in 90 minutes." Meanwhile Sky have just reported from Chelsea's training ground that "there is an expectation Fernando Torres will become a Chelsea player". Does that mean anything?
9.58am: A baseless but compelling rumour: "Word around these parts is that Steve Clarke is using his Jose connection to land Canales on loan until the end of the season." These parts are Liverpool. Funny isn't it, the real challenge with transfer deadline day is ! perspect ive. Sifting through the guff for the slightly more important guff. Perhaps we should have a ranking system. For example, that last piece of news was roughly as interesting as reading a slightly water-damaged two week old Sunday newspaper style magazine.
9.56am: Breaking news: Paul Konchesky has gone on loan to Nottingham Forest. It's huge.
9.55am: But I can reveal that Obafemi Martins, 46, is talking to Birmingham City. Talking, presumably, about sprinting around up front looking slightly panicked and occasionally hoofing one in improbably.
9.48am: Some news: Tuncay is apparently having a medical at Wolfsburg. James Richardson, to my left, comments: "that's it. That alters the paradigm". He may be just joking though. Shaunkrish via Twitter asks: "is Sturridge's Bolton move confirmed?" No. It isn't.
9.41am: OK. I'm going to chase down a few rumour leads. Don't forget, as well as the usual snidey comments you will get all the moves as they happen here, plus the first hints that something interesting might be about to happen.
9.38am: Tim in Cambridge, who no doubt doesn't agree that Chelsea are "the most soulless club in the country" retorts: "My mind is a febrile mess today. This whole thing is bringing back horrible memories of the Robinho saga a few years ago. My rational brain is saying 50m for a footballer is ridiculous, but on the other hand it might be worth it just to avoid the horrific embarrassment of not getting Torres now." Who cares really. It's only Siberian fossill fuel money that otherwise wouldn't otherwise be entering the British economy. Maybe we can keep a couple of libraries open now with the treasury skim.
9.36am: Oivind is sad: "The thing that really bothers me with Torres, though I think I am coming to terms with it today thanks to spending an hour on the phone with my psychologist (ok, some stranger on the tube I think was listening), is that I thought he was different. Sounds like something you would say about someone cheating on you, I know, bu! t come o n: He said he would stay! He really did! He says he's a Liverpool fan, for god's sake, and then he wants to go to the most soulless club in Britain. What the hell?"
On the other hand: he's one of the best players in the world and he wants to win at least one club trophy before he gives up. Take his goals, take his profit, let him go I say.
9.34am: Tong Gilfoyle has some Celtic blurt: "Hello, apparently we're in for Danny Gabbidon, Shane Long and/or Faye from Stoke." Shane Long. Is he the one who stood at the back in Westlife and looked sad during the slow songs?
9.32am: There's masses of it out there. Rumour chaff and rumour thicket. It's sprouting like Russian Vine on steroids: "After Spurs defensive display yesterday Harry Redknapp is looking to sure things up with a new right back & Chimbonda has been spotted at the Lodge this morning and told my dad who was walking his dog that he is having a medical." So says Will Morris in Reading. And Ian Copestake points out: "The Exorcist seems an appropriate reference in view of the extent to which Torres' head has been turned."
9.31am: A "funny" from Tony Brady: "My Auntie works for a well known greetings cards chain and has just rung me in a terrible fluster. As she was preparing to open this morning, she heard frantic knocking at the front of the shop. She peered out to be greeted by the gloomy face of Liverpool's Steven Gerrard clawing at the window. She quickly allowed him access to the premises where he explained that he needed a card urgently. As he frenziedly perused the racks of reasonably priced cards, she noticed him wipe a small tear from his cheek whilst humming a Phil Collins classic . He eventually came to the till and she couldn't help but notice the front of the card which read, "Good Luck in Your New Job!". Could it be true? Has someone managed to land the hard working, yet ineffective Dirk Kuyt?"
9.25am: People we will be talking about a lot today:
Andy Carroll (will go to Sp! urs?)
Fernando Torres (can he escape?)
Sergio Aguero (will he go to Spurs?)
And also, apparently, waddling goal-ace Lero Lita:
"I just got off a train at Bristol Temple Meads only to see Leroy Lita at the security gate wearing pver sized headphones and a crisp white purffer jacket. When asked by another passenger what he was doing in Bristol he replied ' I am coming home....'" So says Jim in Bristol.
9.16am: Nothing really happening yet update: nothing has really happened yet.
The only real activity of the day to date: Paulo da Silva has left Sunderland for Real Zaragoza
May I join with you in saying. Erm. Good luck with that then. Sometimes goodbye can be the hardest word of all. But only when it involves actually knowing someone was there in the first place.
9.15am: Please do send me your emails, or you can tweet me at twitter.com/ barneyronay if you like.
Some early guff from Jules in Brisbane: "My uncle's former roomates' dog walker works on the Brighton pier. Apparently a press conference has been set up to announce Torres's arrival at Brighton & Hove Albion. He is longing for Championship football and it looks like Liverpool will no longer provide that next season"
See? It's not exactly hard.
9.06am: Hello and welcome to the most inane/exciting/gruesome/compelling/disappointing/cruelly hope-infused day of football's most frenzied month. I will be your host for most of it. "Host" is probably the right word too, in the sense of posessed, babbling in tongues, frothing with lunatic excitement and - who knows - perhaps even driven to hurling any passing preists out of my second floor window by the end of it.
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