Tottenham Hotspur v QPR
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Half time: Tottenham 2-0 QPR. Total dominance from the home side. Adel Taarabt sneaks in two (backwards) passes just before the break but then knocks another simple pass straight to Bale. I think I saw him take out his Oyster card on the way off. Here's some half-time tunes from that chart-topping duo back in 1995.
44 min: Adel Taarabt is giving poor Michael Hann a difficult afternoon he probably didn't need. he writes: "I'd be surprised if the blessed Adel were to emerge for the second half, given that this might be just about his worst performance in the hoops. I'm not sure a single pass has been executed properly. Expect one of Neil's honest toilers to take his place - Jamie Mackie would be my bet." I have a feeling it might take more than Jamie Mackie to turn this around. But what do I know?
41 min: Adebayor's curling effort drifts wide of Kenny's left-hand post. Peter Berlin writes: "Ryan Dunne, might try to tell these guys that they aren't allowed to call themselves Rangers. Though he probably wouldn't want to be in the same country as them when he does so."
39 min: Another chance for Modric who spreads the ball wide to Assou-Ekotto on the left. The full back fires the ball back to the Croatian, who kills the ball instantly but pokes his shot wide of the goal. "Is Benoit Assou-Ekotto now the best left back in the country?" asks Vincent Vitlock. "Seems to have ironed out the calamitous defending and now regularly one of the ! most imp ortant creative influences on the pitch. Nice hair too." Plus he doesn't even really like football.
36 min: It's showboating time already from Tottenham. Van der Vaart clips a corner to Modric on the edge of the area. The Croatian controls on his chest before hitting a left-footed volley which swerves and moves in the air but ultimately drifts wide of the far post. "It didn't have quite enough swazz on it," says Wilkins. I believe that's a technical term. "Speaking of Wilkins," writes Iain Gray. "I seem to remember he is the subject of one of the great Colemanballs. '...and Wilkins sends an inch-perfect pass to no-one in particular...'"
32 min: Goal!! Tottenham 2-0 QPR Rafael van der Vaart has doubled Tottenham's lead and it's an almost identical chance to the one he missed early on. Ledley King (!) fires a shot from 25-yards which is going miles wide but fortunately falls into the Dutchman's path. Van der Vaart gives Paddy Kenny "the eyes" - the ones that say 'you think I'm going to put it there but really I'm going to put it there - and slots into the bottom corner.
27 min: QPR are really hanging on now. Danny Gabbidon is struggling to get into the game and Adebayor leaves him trailing on the right before firing a cross that's too heavy. Assou-Ekotto returns it into the area but it's just too far behind Bale who tries to redirect the ball goalwards but it goes over the bar. "Now, I love Adel Tarrabt with a deep and sincere passion," says Michael hann. "And were he to ask me to sacrifice my firstborn, I would at least put it to my wife. But he's got the air of someone who can't decide whether he's going to be be a liability or a passenger this afternoon." I just hope he's worked out the bus routes back to west London from Tottenham otherwise he'll be all night getting home.
23 min: Tottenham are pu! shing fo r the second as Lennon and Bale dink crosses into the area which are headed clear. Van der Vaart then picks the ball up at the edge of the box - once again he has so much space with no pressure on the ball - but he snatches at his right-footed shot and Kenny makes an easy save. "'You can do what you want'," says an incredulous Nick Parker. "That's not very friendly. Are you just sore because Norwich pooh-poohed your Blackburn tip yesterday?" I'm well over that, Nick. All I meant was I can't stop you or anyone else looking out to see if Harry can talk and keep his eyes open at the same time. I'm almost certain he can't. That's why in those interviews the car is always stopped.
19 min: Goal! Tottenham 1-0 QPR Gareth Bale has opened the scoring at the end of a fine Tottenham move. They worked it from back-to-front before Van der Vaart found Lennon on the edge of the area who held the ball just long enough to draw in Young before releasing the Welshman on the left took a touch before rifling past Paddy Kenny.
16 min: Assou-Ekotto gives away a free kick on the QPR right. It's another great delivery - this time from Barton - but Kaboul rises well to head clear. I'm determined to keep the Ray Wilkins mentions to a minimum but the man just says too many things of high class to completely ignore. I will keep a lid on it though.
14 min: A lovely poked pass with the outside of his right foot from Adebayor frees Bale on the left. He gallops towards the area and fires across goal where Adebayor has made good ground but can't direct the fizzed cross goalwards. "'Sup Evan!" says Ryan Dunne. "Looking forward to today's action, but please do not refer to QPR as "Rangers". There is only one Rangers, and that's the Glorious Glasgow variety - not Queen's Park,Texas, Mighty Morphin', New York, Colorado Mounted, or anything else!"
11 min: QPR have yet to settle at all. They're giving the ball away far too easily. Joey Barton shows h! is frust ration by chopping down Bale on the left. Van der Vaart delivers a beautiful free kick towards Adebayor in the centre. Adebayor rises and plants a straightforward header wide of Kenny's left-hand post. That's another bad miss from Spurs. "Hi from Argentina," writes Nick Parker. "I have a theory that 'Arry can't talk and keep his eyes open at the same time. Can we make it an objective of this MBM to prove, or not, this contention?" You can do what you want.
10 min: Super Ray and Rob Hawthorne seem surprised that One Size Fitz Hall has got himself injured in the first 10 minutes," writes Guardian film, music and QPR honcho Michael Hann. "No Rangers fan is. That man could pull a hamstring opening an email."
9 min: Hall takes an age to hobble off which is just as well from a QPR perspective as Danny Gabbidon wasn't quite ready to enter the action. He is now and trots on to partner Ferdinand at the heart of the QPR defence.
6 min: Fitz Hall's afternoon may be over before it - he's down holding his hamstring. Ray Wilkins at first thinks it's Anton Ferdinand. Make of that what you will."You should worry, says Geoffrey Saunders. "Here in Moscow He Who Must Be Obeyed decided that the clocks would not change. So we are four hours ahead of you now. OK, but Champions League matches from Europe will kick off at 11:45pm now. Mad."
3 min: Kenny saves again, this time with his legs from a Van der Vaart inswinging cross. It evades everyone in the middle but would have crept in at the back post but Kenny stuck out a leg and cleared. The Dutchman then wins a free kick at the edge of the area which Assou-Ekotto fires over the top. Good start for Tottenham.
2 min: It should be 1-0 to Tottenham. Modric skips and dances past a couple of challenges and fires a shot goalwards. It falls into the path of Van der Vaart who is eight yards from goal and tries to slot it into the corner but Kenny gets down to make a fine ! save at full stretch. Van Der Vaart shouldn't have given him the chance to save, however.
Peeeep!!!!! Howard Webb blows his whistle and we're underway at the Lane. QPR, in natty orange, kick off playing from left to right.
3.58pm: "The Earth Song is probably the best song to sum up my feelings towards Scott Parker," writes Jack Caulfield. Fair enough.
3.55pm: As an aside to today's game is anyone else already depressed by the clock change and the dark afternoons? I think we should just ignore it which means it's now nearly 5pm and the 45 minutes coming up are the second half rather than the first. Let's just say the first half was dull and goalless. Good. I'm glad that's sorted.
3.50pm: More interview news. Neil Warnock has just used "by gum" in a sentence. It was a sentence about Adel Taarabt who, according to his manager, "is a very, very top player."
3.39pm: "Here in England you have managers whereas in Holland they are trainers," says Tottenham's Rafael van der Vaart. Yeah but can they conduct interview after interview after interview while hanging out their car window, Rafael? Can they? I think we all know the answer to that. Plus all the players are triffic anyway so why would you need to coach them anywhere? Meanwhile, over on the Twitter, someone called Numero11 feels that Adel Taarabt is over-rated. "Goals=0=assists this season; 0 goals in 18 previous PL appearances (9 for Tottenham)," he writes. I don't know. That seems pretty consistent to me.
Good afternoon The last time Tottenham and Queens Park Rangers met in the Premier League the No1 album in the United Kingdom was Robson and Jerome's self-titled debut. Spurs went into that fixture on 9 December 1995 with a front three of Ronny Rosenthal, Chris Armstrong and Teddy Sheringham, who scored the only goal of the game, while QPR had a front two of Mark Hateley and Kevin Gallen. What heady days those were. Michael Jackson's Earth Son! g was th e No1 single. Whatever happened to him?
But that's enough nostalgia (actually it's not, but the teams have been announced so I might as well bring you them instead). Harry Redknapp's side can move level on points with Chelsea and Newcastle with victory today a winning margin of four goals or more will see Spurs take fourth spot, at least until Newcastle play tomorrow. Having done for Chelsea last weekend Neil Warnock's side will be hoping to make it a London double and secure the three points that would take QPR to the heady heights of eighth spot.
But that is meaningless compared with the bragging rights on offer because bragging rights, as we are constantly told, are very, very, very important.
Here are today's teams:
Tottenham: Friedel; Walker, King, Kaboul, Assou-Ekotto; Lennon, Parker, Modric, Bale; Van der Vaart, Adebayor
Subs: Cudicini, Bassong, Gallas, Livermore, Sandro, Defoe, Pavlyuchenko.
QPR: Kenny; Young, Hall, Ferdinand, Traore; Derry, Faurlin; Barton, Taarabt, Wright-Phillips; Helguson.
Subs: Murphy, Hill, Gabbidon, Bothroyd, Mackie, Buzsaky, Smith.
Doing his best but ultimately failing: Howard Webb (S Yorkshire)
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