Bayer Leverkusen v Chelsea live! | Champions League | Tom Lutz

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1 min: And we're off. "Are Batman masks the new snoods," says Oliver Lewis. "See both teams have one now, surely it's only a matter of time before they're used purely for fashion." The odd thing is that Batman has stopped wearing his mask and has started wearing a Chelsea-branded snood. He's apprehended exactly zero muggers since and most people now know he's Bruce Wayne.

7.41pm: I should point out Chelsea are through if they win tonight.

7.38pm: "Without invoking PlayStation (TM), etc., can anyone explain the rationale for continuing to include David Luiz/Sideshow Bob (in more ways than one) while leaving out Alex," asks Lou Roper. Well, Andre Villas-Boas reckons David Luiz will be one of the best centre-backs in the world one day. The problem is, he doesn't specify when that will be. In the next two decades hopefully.

7.33pm: "I'm home for Thanksgiving and VERY excited to be able to indulge in an MBM again," writes Linda Howard, very plainly and with no amusing embellishments of tone or pitch. "I've been having to live stream all matches for months now so I always have to read the MBM later and muse on what inane thing I would've emailed in if I only had more than one computer. My favorite part is finding out how I sound to the MBMer. Do I 'parp', 'guffaw', 'whinge', 'bark'? Lordy, I've missed this!"

The players are walking through Leverkusen's well-appointed lobby. Drogba is wearing massive earphones, Torres as befits his lowly status still has the free white ones you get with your iPod.

!

Chelsea: a semi-shambles in the Premier League this season but still solid chuggers in the Champions League (as long as you don't mention Genk away). Leverkusen are efficient at home in the Champions League though and have beaten the likes of Real Madrid, Roma and, yes, Genk at home in the competition. Leverkusen are in decent form in the Bundesliga too and won their away fixture at Kaiserslautern 2-0 at the weekend.

Anyway, you'll want some team news. David Luiz starts ahead of Alex in defence and Torres sits on the bench. Ashley Cole is injured and Bosingwa will take his place. Haven't seen the TV pictures yet but both Cech and Ballack are likely to wear masks due to facial injuries, the match could end up like Eyes Wide Shut, but with more convincing sexual chemistry between the leading duo.

Bayer Leverkusen: Leno, Schwaab, Friedrich, Toprak, Kadlec, Bender, Rolfes, Castro, Ballack, Sam, Kiessling. Subs: Giefer, Reinartz, Oczipka, Schurrle, Ortega, Derdiyok, Jorgensen.

Chelsea: Cech, Ivanovic, Luiz, Terry, Bosingwa, Lampard, Meireles, Ramires, Sturridge, Drogba, Mata. Subs: Turnbull, Torres, Mikel, Malouda, McEachran, Kalou, Alex.

Referee: Viktor Kassai (Hungary)


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